10 Minute timer... here I come!

I just decided I didn't have enough to do already, so I typed out a giant to do list.... I realize that it is nearly impossible to get it all done before Christmas, so I am going to set my goal to be first week in January.

I want to spring clean and purge. I have decided to get back into my 3x5 card cleaning routine and in doing so I want a fresh start in all my closets and rooms.

So to begin I have listed every room, shelf, closet, drawer on a master check off list. I am going to go through and get as much cleaned and organized before I start school again the second week of January.

Well of course once I typed it all up and set it all to order in my mind, I became distracted by FB, and blogs, and moms groups and emails etc. etc. So I am getting my old faithful timer out and starting that way... hoping eventually I just keep working past the timer.

Christmas is almost here....Are you ready?

I would like to say I am ready. That my presents are all wrapped and sitting neatly under my gorgeous giant flocked tree. I would like to say that I am completely done shopping and am able to just sit around with the kids decorating cookies and gingerbread houses, sipping on hot cocoa.... I would love to say we are done with school until January and that all is perfectly in order in my house....

As you can guess from what I would like to say to what my actual reality is.....

Just last night we picked up stuff for stockings, a few gifts for the family, and birthday stuff for David who turns 4 in 5 days.

We are hoping to have a spare moment to get it all wrapped and ready for our Christmas celebrations which beging on the 23rd of Dec.

We used to drive up to Rob's parents on Christmas Eve after all of our church's services. Then we would wake and have Christmas with them, then drive home and have Christmas with my parents after that... Our kids never really got to open or play with anything because we were opening up presents, then packing them up in the car to move on to the next place. So rather then make everyone else change their plans for us.... we s

tarted our own tradition of Christmas Eve Morning.... we wake up, the stockings are filled and the kids get to open them. We make a big breakfast then open our presents together. We get several hours of playing in before we get all fancied up for our Christmas Eve services. Then we have Christmas as usual with all of the family. Last year I added the tradition of new pajamas the night before our "Chrsitmas Eve Morning" and so now we open new pajamas and take a picture together.... Its fun, I love it, and it takes the stress off.

Our tree.... well When Robert was about 4 we discovered he was very allergic to Christmas trees.... He had horrible golf ball sized hives all over his body. They left horrible bruises and it took over a month for them to fully go away. It was then we started the fake tree... Which is beautiful and I love. Well then we had the year of David... I was on 9 weeks of bedrest and then he came 4 weeks early on Dec. 20. So we downsized

our tree that year and it has stayed that way for the last 4 years.... It is white, about 3 feet tall and has none of our personal ornaments from Rob growning up, or the kids past Christmas. Maybe next year we will have the big tree again.....The presents under it are gifts Abigail picked out and bought with her own money for her family...

My first time... not the last!

I spoke with the headset on and everything at our Women's outreach... Ok it wasn't my first time on stage or with a mic, but it was my first time preparing a study and teaching it to ladies from the pulpit. Last year I prepared a study and taught a roomful of young girls at a purity outreach our youth did, but this was my first at a womans thing. 125 ladies!!! Ranging in age 13-80.

It was a really great night. The worship and special christmas music was outstanding. My sister in law Paula, gave her testimony, and I taught. It was sooooo neat. I was blessed, I know it won't be my last time.

http://www.mvcf.com/ministries/women/womenMinistry.php

If you want to listen....

It's time.....

October 2010

November 2010

June 3, 1995

Last Friday I joined WW (weight watchers). I hate dieting.... I hate exercise..... However realizing I was officially 100lbs heavier then the day I got married really hit home for me. I have many excuses, some valid, some not. I have had 5 children, many medical issues and the medicines that go with them, lots of stress, heartache... moment's of boredom. I even have the excuse of a failing thyroid. However none of them matter to me anymore... I really want to have a vow renewal celebration for one of my anniversaries. I really really want to wear my wedding dress one more time before I pass it on to my daughters.

I have been watching Biggest Loser for the first time ever and it has totally shocked me. I really thought it was going to be making a bunch of fat people do things they can't so that everyone can make fun of them. However it isn't that at all. It is very inspiring!!!

So thats all I have to say for now..... I will let you know how it goes if you like... so far it has had a few hard moments... but I am beyond committed this time... NO QUITTING!

We got haircuts!

I took the doggies for their first haircuts. Try and try as I did to brush out and bathe them regularly, I couldn't keep up with Sparky's tangles. Dixie's hair just didn't seem to tangle as easily. So we decided to just cut them short. Oh my did they look even tinier. We had to buy them little sweaters to keep them warm.

I am once again trying to figure out how to blog from my phone... that way it isn't so few and far between to updates.

2 more sleeps....

Ever since the kids were little we have counted big things coming up in the amount of times they would be going to sleep at night.... So 2 more sleeps is what I have been telling myself all day.

In 2 more sleeps Rob will be home. He left on the 4th and has been in the land of Israel all this time. I miss him horribly. So to update you on everything else this is what has been going on in our home.

About a week before Rob left the lady I purchased Sparky from contacted me. After a nice conversation and exchange of pictures... me updating her on Sparky, her sending me baby baby pics of Sparky and pics of her parents etc. She told me she still had one of Sparky's sisters.... I had just the day prior day dreamed about what it would be like if I had gotten both of them like I wanted to. So before the day was over I had little Dixie in my arms. She is opposite in many ways to Sparky, but still an amazing dog. They were weighed today at 2.2 lbs for Sparky and 4.1 for Dixie. Yes Dixie is double the size of Sparky. We are pretty sure that Sparky is going to end up around 3 lbs. and her sister will probably be double that around 6-7 lbs. They both sleep in our bed up by my head and follow me around all day. Sparky doesn't have much patience with the kids. I think it is because she knows how little and fragile she is so she tends to run and sit on my chest whenever they try to hold her. She will give them kisses only from the safety of my arms. Dixie however will climb all over them and let them carry her around. They are both beautiful, but completely different in their looks. Dixie has a vanilla, caramel frappacino look to her, and Sparky is all black with a few white spots on her feet and chest. Dixie has the shape of the Maltese mom, and Sparky has the shape of the Yorkie Dad. As soon as I figure out how to upload to my Mac I will post pics.

Not much new with the rest of us, just waiting for Dad to be home.... 2 more sleeps.

Sad to say....

Well I quit piano today. I am very sad about it. Olivia is in such a needy stage that my practice time just wasn't happening. It was one of those just one more things to stress about, so I let it go. I plan to keep memorizing what I have been taught and hopefully be able to revisit the idea of lessons in 6 months.

In other news....

Sparky Sprite had her cast removed. She is healing very well and runs around as if it never happened. She is a whopping 2 lbs and so that makes me think she will end up somewhere around 4 lbs. WOW what a difference. I am pretty sure Xerxes poops were bigger then she is. She continues to do very well with being paper trained. We just take one of those potty pads wherever we go and show her where its at and that is where she pottys. SOOOOO NICE!

We just got back from Camping up by Disneyland for 5 nights. It was exhausting, and fun all at the same time. We took Sparky with us and that was neat. I have never taken a pet on vacation before her, and after 2 trips now I wouldn't leave her at home unless we were flying somewhere.... she travels so well.

Olivia and David are both super needy right now. Neither is sleeping through the night and neither will stay in their beds. It is exhausting, and I just keep praying and trying new things. David is also in a very fit throwing age.... trying to teach him patience is certainly testing mine.

School unscheduled continues to be the best for the older kids.

Thats about it for me.....

Puppy, kids, me... just a little update about us all.

Sparky Sprite is the best dog ever! I am in awe I really didn't know having a dog could be this easy. I, ts been 6+ weeks now and other then being the most expensive dog ever because of her broken foot and all that has cost us she really is amazing! She adores me and is definitely a momma's girl, but she is super friendly and will share her love with anyone. Her little poo's are so small that the rare occasion she forgets to go on her puppy pad (very rare) it is no big deal to clean. Her pee is well perfect because she only goes on her puppy pads. No one has to take her out, she gets winded just running around the footstool, she sleeps in her little crate and other then being an early riser she is perfect (yep I said it again). She is a whopping 1.7 lbs at 12 weeks old (a little of that might even be her cast and a lot of it is her hair) and I have been told to double that and we will get her approximate full grown weight. She travels well with us and doesn't yap or bark unless I haven't given her a small bite of my evening snack.

The older kids are doing well at school. They really do work hard and I am blessed by them daily. They have their moments when they argue and I temporarily forget just how good they are, but really I do know I am blessed. They all serve in the family ministry at church and the 2 older boys help lead worship for the youth... really I am so proud!

The littles.... SIGH..... They are in such a needy age. They need my constant attention and rarely will play on their own. I find most days I am putting Olivia down for a nap and then struggling to get a days worth of chores done in what I hope will be 2 hours and what lately has been 1 or 1.5 if I am lucky. I remember when Stephan was 3, Robert was 19months and Abigail was a newborn..... I somehow cleaned the house and had everything done... I don't get why 2 little ones is so hard right now. Sometimes I think it is technology that has made things so hard for me. As a pastors wife and partaking in several ministries at church I really do answer emails, calls, texts, all day long. Yet I love that, and yet I see how it has made this time with the littles extra hard.

Well despite having some really hard personal things going on at the same time as everything else in my life... I am blessed, I am joyful, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Not sure if any of this is even interesting... LOL but I have been meaning to

Our first break.....

So 5 kids and 15 years of marriage and Neither Rob or I, or any of our kids have ever had a break.

Today I woke up to another hot day. So we turned on the AC. Well with the kids now doing school in the garage I was reminding them over and over as they went out into the garage to shut the door. I must say that a dozen times a day if not more. Everyone was a little crabby today. I had gone to an early breakfast with Abby and had come home with Jambas for everyone, but still everyone was cranky. We are letting a friend borrow our car, so Rob who had stayed with the kids while Abby and I went shopping (that's a whole other blog) left, but not without first asking... "You sure you won't need the car today" "Yep I am sure" Well it probably wasn't even 30 minutes later I was calling him with a yelping dog and a plea to please come home and take us to the vets.

Yep thats right. Stephan was cranky, I asked him to please shut the door, and he did without looking and our little puppy who had recently learned how to go in and out of the garage got squashed. The sound of her yelp was horrible, I came running from the bedroom to Stephan balling about how sorry he was. I scooped her up and at first thought it was her shoulder. I sent a few request for prayer texts and by the time Rob had gotten home I realized she was seriously injured. You couldn't touch her paw without her yelping and she being so little didn't know how to limp so any attempt at walking she would just topple over an continue yelping.

So $550 dollars later she has been sedated, given antibiotics and casted. She can't be alone at all for at least the next 2 weeks. She will need to be sedated again when they remove the cast.

She had a puncture wound where he nail was almost ripped off and her little bone was broken. Once they shaved her little paw you could clearly see the purple and the swelling.

I feel like the worst pet owner ever.... and yet the Dr.s office assured us accidents happen. I had even read articles about how little sized dogs were so fragile you had to be super careful and I would never let the little kids be alone with her..... well now I realize we all need to be more careful. If you read this, please pray for her healing, and of course extra provision to cover the bills.

First Love

I am reading a new health book and in it she talks about how she loves her job. I couldn't stop thinking about that. I used to love my job. I loved being a mom. I loved the kind of mom I was. I grew up only ever wanting to be a secretary, a waitress and a mom. I was a secretary before I had kids and I loved it. I have never been a waitress but I am convinced I would enjoy it. I have been a mom for 13 years and until recently I did love it.

Some how I got caught up in how everyone else is doing it. How everyone else keeps their home, how everyone else teaches their kids, how everyone else organizes their day, how everyone else lets their kids do this or that. It has turned it all into a giant chore of the same drudgery every day for me. I no longer just sat on the floor and played for hours, I no longer slept in and started my day when we felt like it. I was a machine, everything organized, everything in its place, dressed and ready for my day with my shoes on. I no longer told the kids, yeah go play in the rain. I was too concerned about the mess. I no longer said yeah we are eating breakfast in moms bed today. I no longer woke the kids up with singing..... I no longer put everything off on my list until I had read my bible.

Don't get me wrong, I love organization, I love lists and schedules, I just don't want them to rule my life. I don't want to be so bogged down with how things have to be in order that I miss the fun, the spontinaity, the precious moments with my kids.

So we are officially off the clock. WOO HOO! We have our lists of what needs to get done, and if I have to stay up past the kids bedtime to do it because we decided to jump in the pool with our clothes on and I have extra laundry then thats how it is.

Revelation 2:2a, 3-4, 5a "I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting. But I have this complaint against you. You don't love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first.

Today I am returning to my first love.... Jesus, of course and my love of being a Mom!

Week 5 here we come!!!

So many changes I can't count later.......

I cannot believe tomorrow we will be starting week 5 of school, only 31 more to go.

We have had schedule changes, major clean outs and reorganizing, and many many tears on my part.

As I was crying this weekend in frustration as this weekend was spent preparing for yet another change in our school years plan I kept praying and asking God, what is it I am doing wrong? I was ready to quit it all and just hide myself in a hole. Now mind you I am not a newbie at this. This is my 9th year of homeschooling. I have plans to go all 13 years with all 5 kids, but I leave every year up to the Lord and how he directs. I knew this wanting to quit wasn't a direction from him but just my emotions running away with me.

This evenings message at church said it all. Quit fighting my flesh, and feed my spirit. Take my focus off of those around me and put it back on Jesus. Read, read, read my bible!

Yep I had been caught up in the opposite of all those things. I am such an all or nothing personality that when our pastor challenges us to read our bibles for an hour every day if I can't do the hour, I usually don't do it at all. I also easily get caught up in wondering what others are doing or thinking, and fighting the flesh can be such a huge focus I forget to feed my spirit until I realize I have nothing left to fight with.

So with that said, we are back to no assigned times for school, just a check off list of what needs to get done. We are having school in a freshly cleaned out garage. Tomorrow high on my list is to get some Olivia appropriate toys out there to keep her occupied while the rest of us work. I also have taken everything off the schedule for Monday - Wednesday so we have 3 strong school days with Thursdays their class day, and Fridays our Park and Field trip days and finish up school work days. In October Piano and Base will move to Thursday afternoons, so it really will be 3 Strong all school days!

I am going to bed reading a devotional, and waking up reading my bible and having time with him first.... even if that means waking to an alarm clock. :-)

Dogs, Dogs and more Dogs.

I had a puppy named Esther, we got her 2 years ago. She was beautiful and sweet and helped me through a really rough time. Dogs are good about that. They let you sit and cry and pet them and they never get tired of it and they don't answer back. Well about 1 year of age we could tell she was bored. So we got her a puppy. She loved the puppy. He was a boxer like her, but he just kept growing. Pretty soon our backyard was overwhelmed with one small boxer and one giant and still growing boxer. So we started looking for a new home for him. Well we found one, but they only wanted both. I was heartbroken. I begged my husband to let me keep her. He thought it would be wrong to seperate them. They now live on 5 acres and are reported to be very loved and very happy. Well in the mean time of finding them a new home, we took in a dog that my parents got but didn't mesh with their dog. She was super sweet, but drove mine and my sons allergies crazy. She was here a little over a week and we were blessed to find her a new home....

Well I was still sad and Rob wanted to bless me. Soooooo..... we got this little baby black bear we call "Sparky Sprite" She is 1.2 lbs and will grow to be a whopping 3-5 lbs. We have had her 2 weeks now. She went with us on our family vacation. She is exactly what I have always been wanting...... She can travel with us, she is really a part of the family. She is hypo allergenic and hasn't bothered any of us in the slightest. I am blessed that all the dogs found good homes and hope to have a long long time with little Sparky.

I am not sure how to edit the pictures.... but they are in the order as follows. Sparky, Lolli or Annie as we called her. Xerxes is the brindle and Esther is the fawn boxer.

schedule change

7:15 wake, get dressed, take medicines
7:30 bible and prayer time
8:15 wake kids / start workout
9:00 start school
11:00 circle time
11:30 bible time
12:00 lunch
12:30 history/science
1:30 piano
2:00 oliva's nap / free time
4:00 whole house tidy

That is the new schedule.... Not as time specific as the last one. This is my schedule not the kids. Theirs is.....

8:30 wake and get ready for school

9:00 School

12:00 Lunch

12:30 more school

2:30 School Over, Chore time, then free time.

I took away the 30 minute time slots for them as it was frustrating them to change subjects before they were ready. So they basically have a start and a stop time and that's it. They do have a general list as to what needs to get done in a day so we will see if that helps.

Janet

First Week....

Look at that girl! Right smack in the middle of my school table. Smashed crackers on the table, tears, she was frustrated.... She just didn't understand how every day when she wakes up she has everyone catering to her every moment and now.... well no one was available. Everyone was busy with school. She is the number one reason our schedule changes next week...

I am not sure what to do with her.... I will admit I had as many tears this week as her, if not more!

Oh and do you all like that I can post pictures now???

Day 2....

Dun dun dun......

Ahhhhh I can foresee my future! I am pretty sure by the end of week 1 of school I will have completely changed our schedule. My neat, pretty little schedule I typed up, gridded out, LAMINATED!!!!! Yes the schedule is going to be changed. At least Rob said to me in the midst of his groveling yesterday (that's what he called it, I told him not to grovel) But he said to me "I will laminate anything you want as many times as you need!" That is like heaven to me. Not only am I a list lady, but my new fascination with laminating has me wanting everything laminated.

My daily schedule was.....

8- Wake: Short Devo and Prayer, Get Dressed and Ready for Day

8:30 - Wake Kids, Have Breakfast, Brush Littles Teeth.

9:00 School Starts Kids have their own schedule, they have 30 minutes allotted for each subject, anything left over is considered homework and they have to complete on their own time. I have circle time with the little kids.

9:30 Take Dirty Clothes out and sort, begin laundry, take in 1 load and put away.

10:00 Bible Time

10:30 Mom back to laundry beast and kids back on school time

11:00 Work on Chores Kids continue with school

12:00 Lunch!

12:30 MW History TTH Science

1:30 PE

2:00 Olivia Nap,Work on Ministry, computer stuff, Laundry, more chores.

4:00 Snack Time

4:30 House Tidy, Laundry, Each kid takes 20 minutes with littles and 40 minutes to work on their chores.

5:30 Dad home, Dinner Prep, Schedule over until bedtime

9:30 Bathe Littles, Brush Littles Teeth, Everyone Prep for Bed

10:00 Kids in Bed, tucked in, Tidy House, Time with Rob

11:00 Read Bible, Pray,

12:00 Bedtime! (Lord Willing)

Oh and this is just the M-TH Schedule, things change on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays... When is my Sabbath....

The new one.... well we will see by the end of this week, because so far, Laundry is not getting done. Chores??? What are those? Ministry stuff??? Just barely. The kids are doing great with their schoolwork, the big problem is the littles. David isn't up at 9, so circle time gets delayed. Olivia wants to be in the middle of everything so I need to schedule my time with her, and then just cram and get everything done during her nap.....

Keep you posted..... Rob, get ready to laminate :-)

"I Quit!"

I went to bed at 3AM. I woke at 5 with a baby, and at 7 with my neighbors dogs yapping in my window. Literally they sit on their side of the fence, 3 feet away from my open window and yap.... why? Because my cats sit outside my window waiting for me to wake up and let them in. Now they don't meow until they hear my voice that I am awake, but it irritates the dogs that they are so close and yet can't get to them. My cats know full well that the dogs can't get to them, so they just smugly sit there and cause a commotion.... FUN!

So 8AM rolls around and my husband sweetly rubs my shoulder to wake up and asks me if I want some coffee. I grumpily say "I Quit!" roll over and say "I can't do it, I am too tired, I have no calendar (long story) and I can't do it." He tosses the covers over me and says "Whatever!" and walks out of the room. I pull the covers over my head, I start to cry and then stubbornly decide to stay in bed. Rob gets up and proceeds to do what he does best, the right thing. He always does the right thing (yes sometimes it is irritating, just being honest). He gets the kids up, starts them on breakfast, makes a bottle, etc. etc. etc......

I send him a text because with 5 listening ears and a roommate it is the only way for private conversation at times. Plus Rob tends to hear only the first thing I say and miss the rest so reading it helps him, and he is way better in communicating back through writing then through speaking where he tends to just be silent. I say to him.... "Whatever???" "Oh great that supports me, rant rant rant... nag nag nag.... LOL, yeah, not retyping it, because it wasn't pretty the first time." Yet somehow through my complaints he read the heart of the issue. I was completely overwhelmed, exhausted and frustrated because my main thing I use for ministry, school, outlet and the majority of keeping it all organized was down., and he was partially to blame.

I get up, and start to get ready to have circle time with David, who is extremely excited. Rob quietly comes up and asks if he can have 5 minutes. Mind you he has stayed late to go into work to continue getting the kids started on school and all the right things....

How can I resist.... He pulls me into the room and sits me on his lap. He says he is sorry that he wasn't more sensitive, sorry that he let me down on this computer issue, sorry for the other things I had complained to him about. Very humble.... I said I was sorry for the way I responded. Sorry for the way I complained. I looked at him and said in 15 years, all the times I have said "I Quit!" Have I ever? I looked at him, making my brown eyes be as puppy dog as they can be..... he says "No, but every time you do, it scares the hell out of me, that one of these days you will!" I couldn't help but laugh.

Not sure why I am sharing this, other then, I hope you can relate. God lead me to the verse...Jeremiah 31:3 "The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness I have drawn thee." Rob certainly drew me with loving kindness, and God certainly has been all day with helping me through a very stressful day.

Not at all as planned!

Wow, I have 12 days until school starts. Part of me can't wait to get back into that routine, and yet part of me feels overwhelmed at all the work that means.
I really have been lazy this summer. Ok, well not lazy exactly because I have had kids over almost every single day, numerous parties and gatherings, almost something every single day and evening.... Yet lazy in that none.... repeat none!!!! of my summer projects are done or even started. So tonight as I mourn the loss of my handy Iphone and wonder if it will get replaced, repaired, or just be gone. I sit here and think I should type out a TO DO LIST and see just how much I can get done before August 2.


o Clean out all white cabinets in garage
o Clean out attic
o Clean out all shelves in garage
o Clean out clothes that do not fit David
o Clean out clothes that do not fit Olivia
o Clean out toy buckets/baskets
o Completely organize toys
o Help kids clean out closets
o Help kids clean out drawers and desks
o Clean out kitchen cabinets
o Clean and organize all books
o Clean and organize all DVD’s
o Clean and organize all CD’s
o Plan and prepare first 4 weeks of school
o Plan and prepare field trips/park days
o Clean out emails
o Clean out and reorganize receipts
o Clean out and reorganize files
o Clean out and reorganize school supplies
o Stay sane!!!!


Well here goes.... Let's see how much I get done.

The Key to Successful Scheduling!

My next school year I am taking on a new challenge I have never done before. A schedule. Yes I have a daily plan for school. The kids have their own daily check off lists, however this year each activity is going to be assigned a time and we are going to stick to it. (I hope!)

On the advice of a mom to 12, I picked up a book called Managers of Their Homes by Steven and Teri Maxwell. It is a lot of information, and I have yet to find the time to finish it. I am working my way through it. Well when I got to chapter 2, I knew I was in the right book.

"There is a starting poing for success in daily scheduling...schedule our own personal time with the Lord each day. When we can schedule and remain faithful to this time, the foundation and cornerstone of our day, we can succeed in scheduling."

Yep that is what I have been lacking and needing. I don't know about you, but ever since I added the last 2 kids to my family I have struggled in this area like never before.

So pray for me, and I will share how it goes.

There really was a reason I wasn't posting....

I check blogger almost every day. I see my post and I think, I need to write another one. Yet this scripture keeps running through my head. 1 Thessalonians 5:21 "Prove all things; hold fast that which is good." I can't even think of how it appears in context in the bible, but for whatever reason it is what is playing in my head every time I look at this place.

Almost 8 months ago I had some testing done. They said my hormones weren't functioning properly, my thyroid wasn't functioning properly along with some other health issues. I tried the treatments, but it messed up my milk supply to Olivia who was only a few months at the time. I was wanting to make it to at least 6 months of nursing so we delayed treatment. Then a few months went by and things just got worse for me. We tried weaning her and she wouldn't have it. Now flash to last month around the 25th and she is 11 months old, eating meals, drinking from a bottle, so if my milk supply dips its going to be OK, we pray and start the treatment back up. A few days later I have a moment with the Lord in devotion where I pray to him for a word and a healing of my mind and all the junk I have let run through it (negative self talk). Then I go to the women's outreach, and I shared what God spoke to me there. Well I made a commitment to NEVER say another negative thing about myself again. As my dad would say I took the sign off my back that says "Kick me, I do!" Out loud, or in my head, it didn't matter, I was never going to say another negative thing again. I posted scripture and really committed to this. God opened my eyes to see other people and how down they talk about themselves, to see how hurt people are. I know I have walked with the Lord a long time and he has faithfully taken me through many many valleys, and highs and hard and easy moments of life. I always pray for healing and once again I have experienced it. He has healed my heart, and healed my body. The problems and there were many I was experiencing from the lack of hormones was horrible and it was debilitating my entire life. Yes he is using modern science, but he created that and I am so grateful. So now that things are balancing out I am on a mission to restore some order into my home... I am back baby!

Last nights message is inspiring today's behavior.

I had a few friends ask what the message was last night at MVCF's women's ministry outreach was about so I decided to tell. Of course this is only my perspective and what God showed me through it. Let's see where do I begin.....

The evening began with some great worship. I love Roni and her rock out style to the regular worship songs we sing in the big church. Her heart and her genuineness shines through and for some reason I couldn't stop staring at her make up last night... I know silly detail to add, but she just glowed on stage.

We had a few announcements, I plugged our women's ministry FB page, talked about my moms group and took a blurry picture of myself with the crowd behind me.
We had more worship, a technical difficulty with my moms mic and then the study began.

My mom got up there to teach and started with a skit her and Linda had prepared. It really was more of a visualization of what God had showed her. It was about the cross and the body of Jesus on it and how she was following her emotions and feelings as a judge of who she was and how she felt. She didn't like herself so she would partake in anything that helped her "Feel" better. Satan, played by Linda, came along and encouraged her to follow her "feelings" that she should do whatever felt good no matter the cost. He told her their was no cost. Yet she couldn't help but look at the cross and see the body of Jesus, battered and bruised bleeding and then she reached to touch his feet and she looked down and she was covered in his blood. At this point she took her black coat off and put on a red robe. He told her that all her pain and guilty feelings and sins were covered in his blood, then she looked down and she was in all white. At this point she put on a white robe. She told how by believing in Jesus and what he did for us on the cross we were made white as snow. She talked about how we were to take off the labels others put on us, we were to take off the labels we put on ourselves.

I really am not doing this justice. It was powerful and the visual was great. She went on in her message to share about God and his greatness. How we always have time in our day to Praise the Lord. She read from Psalm 103 and from Isaiah. She shared something out of revelations. She had Roni come up and share how God was working in her life.
She prayed for us and used her gift of word of knowledge to give specific words to people in the room. Then we ended with a time of worship and ladies standing up front to pray for people.

So now the personal part.... what did this message mean for me.

I am a negative self talker. So from the moment she said God wants me to remove the labels others have put on me, and the labels I have put on myself.... she had my attention. I start my days telling myself I am fat, I am ugly, I am a failure, there is no way I can be productive in my day, I will never get it all done. I wake up every day tired and sore and defeated before I even start. I doubt my value, I tell myself I am worthless and that there is no purpose for me. I have failed. I am not needed or wanted... the list goes on. I don't end my day much better. I lay in bed for hours tossing and turning thinking of all I didn't do, of how overweight I have become, of bad decisions I have made that day or even 10 years prior. I tell myself I am a huge failure and disappointment to my family. I know I know I am a mess. You look at me and go ok, so she is overweight and yeah maybe she didn't get as much done as she could have, but what does she have to be so negative about... how has she really failed. Its not just today... I have been this way as long as I can remember. I was a size 5 36,24,36 yep the so called ideal measurements and I still felt I had failed at my weight. I was super organized with everything in its place mopped my floors every single day, and I still felt I could have done more, or done it better. Its just my perfectionism, my negative self talk. I have days where I am great and don't say a single negative thing and I have weeks where I am in a mental pit.
I believe in the bible. I believe every word is true. I believe in Jesus, that he is both God's son and God. I believe God came to give us life and that more abundantly... and yet if you could hear the talk that goes on in my head you would say.... You surely don't live it. Well today I am choosing to live as if I believe it. I started my day later then I wanted, less energy then I wanted and yet I am choosing to be joyful and replace my negative thoughts about myself with God's scriptures about me.
Psalm 139:14-18 "Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me."

Guess what he feels the same way about you!

Is this finally going to work?

I have been searching for a way to blog from my phone. I have tried using the set up they suggest on here only to send blogs out into oblivian never to return.... so here we go trying this again. Now if only I could send pictures from my phone....

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Jesus loves me and thats all I need!

Where is your smile?

"I quit!" "I give up!" I am done!" "It's too much!" You name the quit complaint and I have said it recently. I am tired, sore, frustrated, overwhelmed. Etc. Etc. Etc. I would say these are common phrases from me and my friends. I would say that at least 1 friend a day on FB says something similar. (I have 292 friends)
I feel lost. I am not sure who I am anymore. I look in the mirror and the young newly excited mom is gone. My husbands young fun loving adventurous bride is gone. What is left is a woman who frequently says the above statements. So here I am again completely self focused, crying wondering how am I gonna get out of this stuck place I am in. I pray... I pray because that is the one thing I do know how to do. God please help me! Please show me.... This is what runs through my head....I take a step back and look at me, my life from my husbands perspective.

I saw her one day wearing a red top and black jeans. I fell in love with her smile and started planning how I could keep her in my life forever. I proposed, I wed. I Promised my love forever. Then pretty soon her smile is gone. What can I do to make it come back. She wants children. She cries. So I pray with her and plan a family and God grants. Babies come but again her smile is gone. What? What is it you want my love, I will give it to you. No I don't see your stretch marks, I don't see your weight. I see your smile and its absence breaks my heart. She smiles again. Where is your smile my love? A bigger place for our children. Ok lets pray, how can I work harder and make more? Her smile returns. Wait the smile is gone again. What is it now my love? Its too much work? You can't keep up? Who are you competing with? Who is putting these pressures on you? Ok lets pray. God please strengthen me. I take on more chores, I take on more meals. Where did your smile go? You are tired you need sleep? Ok I can wake with the baby and my alarm for work. I will help more. Where is your smile my love? Ok you want a new car... something with sliding doors. ok. Where is your smile my love? You need more time, more attention from me? ok. Where is your smile my love? I tell you that you are pretty, I tell you I love you....I don't see your scars, I don't see your weight. I see how you labored with pregnancy for our children. I see your heart and I want to see your smile. Where is you smile my love? You don't know what's wrong? Where is your smile my love? I hang my head.... Nothing. Nothing I do makes that smile return. "I quit!" "I give up!" "I am done!"

It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby complaining wife.
Proverbs 21:19

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:10-12

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.
Proverbs 31:26-27

Well you can imagine my heart is breaking after being given a glimpse into how things appear from his side. I don't want to quit. I don't want to give up. I did pray and ask for all these things, children, the ability to home school, a bigger house to take care of. Working in the ministry etc. etc. etc.... Its all God's blessings and instead of being blessed and CONTENT I have let Satan blurr my vision. I have always been more of a realist and pessimistic and I have let my focus change from God and others to just me. Just me is all I can see. How tired I am. How hard my situation is for me. How I never get a break. How much I don't like the way I look, or the way my clothes fit. I can only see how little sleep I am getting, or how crazy my hormones are. I can only see me. Yet I am not alone in my life. I have joined my heart with another who is working his hardest to make me smile and I haven't even thought about just smiling for him because I know he loves it. If I worked that hard to love him I would be so content, so full of joy, so at peace and where God wants me rather then lost on the wrong path I have chosen.
Dear God, I am on my knees. I don't want to see me, I want to first see you, then see others. I want to praise and glorify you and love others. Thank you God for opening my eyes to see how proud and arrogant and discontent I have been. Thank you for showing me this. I love you and I give myself to you because only you can change me. I know only you can teach me and show me what true godliness with contentment is. Thank you God for new mercies.... I am beginning mine today.

Blurred Vision....

I can't focus. I got a late start to my day and now I am just all out of whack. It doesn't help that my monthly friend is here and I can't eat chocolate!!!
Ok enough whine about that and back to my original problem of blurry vision. I have a vision for my home... Everything has a place and everything in its place. Yep the goal of perfection. Should a perfectionist have any other goal? I think not! Now about that goal. I have not reached it, nor am I even close. It seems to me that as I get one closet organized my garage gets thrashed. So we straighten the garage and my movie collection is somehow spread all over the house. So I sit and for hours organize my movie collection only to find every bucket of toys tossed empty into a giant pile of toys... Now are these barbie shoes, polly shoes, or mini barbie shoes.... Oh wait I know they are secret pal shoes... or whatever they are called. Yes the sorting and organizing is endless.
Oh wait did I forget to mention I had 2 wet beds over the weekend so now my laundry pile which usually accumulates at the rate of around 2 large loads a day is now some how at a staggering 8 loads to get it all done, and then by the time I finish those there will be another 2 loads waiting for me. My washer is so fancy that it takes at least an hour and my dryer takes at least 1 hour and 30 minutes so you do the math... Its just impossible now to catch up unless I work through the night. Off to the laundry mat I must go. Hmmm how does one do that in the rain with 5 kids?
Wait what did all of this have to do with blurry vision??? Oh yeah sorry... Ok so I said I was going to use my old faithful method of my card system to stay on track with family chores and house cleaning etc. Then guess what happened??? The app for my Iphone that was similar to my system but not quite what I needed now is updated to exactly what I wanted.... WHAT? Why didn't this happen 3 weeks ago. So now I am torn... do I set the card system aside and start up the system on my app Or forget the app and just stick with the cards?
Yep this is the problem of the perfectionist. I get so caught up in the details and having to do it all perfectly all at the same time that I never know where to start or what to start with so rather then at least getting 2 loads done all I can see is the 8 I didn't. Its all or nothing and my vision is so blurred right now I cant see straight.... So what did I do. I blogged HA HA HA...sigh. If I were to every list all my little OCD issues I am sure it would scare you all off. Thank God for Rob who does see them and just laughs and calls me cute.

She's a maniac maniac on the floor.....

And she's cleaning like she never cleaned before....

Well the day I set the timer... It worked. Old faithful never fails. Pretty soon I was so inspired that I just kept on working. Well I got so much done (I will list below all I did) that the next day (today) I woke up and got busy no timer needed and am just now sitting down for the first time today. WOOT WOOT. I know a lot of it has to do with I have gotten 5 hours of sleep 2 nights in a row. I am so excited about that too. I feel like with all this cleaning and organizing I am remembering who I am. I felt like the unwoman for awhile. No opinions, just doing everything to make everyone else happy. I felt like if you asked me my opinion I wouldn't even know what it was.... I know what does this have to do with cleaning... well I like to clean. I like to organize. I like to think up new and helpful systems. So for me to have every drawer, every closet in chaos it has been torture. Yet what can you do with 6 months of vomiting every day, which then turns into 9 weeks of bedrest, followed by 2 years of not sleeping through the night only to get pregnant and repeat almost the same scenario again. Yep meanwhile trying to homeschool 3 other children. Needless to say I haven't scrapbooked or chrocheted, or organized in a very long time!
Ok enough of my boring stuff.... Here is what I did.

5, 33gallon bags of Trash
7, 33 gallon bags of Give away

I completely gutted and cleaned out then put back only what I use neatly every cupboard in my master bathroom. Every closet, drawer, shelf, box, under the bed in my master bedroom. Every drawer, closet, shelf under the bed in my girls room. Every drawer, closet, shelf under the bed in my boys room. Every shelf cupboard and drawer in my hallway bathroom. My hallway closet that holds cleaning supplies. My hallway cupboard that holds my books, my hallway cupboard that holds all our medicines. I cleaned out 5 small boxes in my front dining room. I went through the families jacket racks and got rid of at least 15 jacket/sweatshirts. Cleaned off the top of my fridge. Then tidied the rest of the house that the kids had destroyed while I was busy working. So now tomorrow I am putting my feet up. I have 4.5 rooms left, some of them are huge projects until we work on the attic and garage. Rob has promised to help with those.... So I will keep you posted.

In the meantime I have set aside my cleaning/home upkeep cards because as one book I read said... "You can't organize clutter!" So until the clutter is gone and everything has its place.....

I love timers!

Today the timer is my friend..... Ever have those days where you just cannot get motivated? So you waste time all day then you finally look at the clock and are like Oh dang its 4 PM where did my day go? Well being that its monday, the first monday after a week of spring break I already know its gonna be one of those days. It started with a horrible nights sleep so that when 6 Am rolled around and I was gonna get up to get a great start on my day I couldn't move because of being up 4 times in the night. So when 9 AM rolled around I thought I better make some coffee and get a timer.

So that's what I am doing. I have this motto I can do anything for 10 minutes. So i set my timer for 10 and I goof off on my favorite computer game. Then I set my timer for 10 minutes and go to my master bathroom and start cleaning. Timer goes off, I go back to my computer and mess around. It may not sound like much, or it may sound like a lot of messing around, but I always am surprised by how much I get done. Not to mention I at the very least worked 30 minutes of every hour instead of realizing its 4PM and I have nothing done. Also somewhere in the process without fail I always find my motivation and start taking more 10 minute cleaning breaks then I take 10 minute fun breaks....

So here I come crazy Monday armed with my timer and my coffee... I will let you know who won!

Picking my style

Well today is the first day of my week. Lets see how I do. After reading 4 different books on organinzing.... I chose to start back up with my *old faithful. I spent last week getting it all ready to us and even having a couple "Practice Days"

After reading Its all too Much. I was truly overwhelmed with all my stuff and inspired to do a room by room inventory of what I wanted that room to function as, what stuff needed to stay and what needed to go.

After reading Sink Reflections. I was convicted about my martyr type attitude and pride. I also realized I could never truly follow this system because I just cannot wear lace up tennis shoes in my house every day. I have claustraphobic feet :-) . Also its just not realistic for me to polish and shine my sink all day as I use it way too much and to keep my dirty dishes under the sink until I can wash them just grosses me out.

After reading More Hours in My Day. I realized why I liked her system to begin with and I remembered the first time I read an earlier edition of her book. I of course cannot foller her system exactly as I just always have to tweak whatever I do to make it best for me and my family.

After reading Managers of Their Homes. I cried. HA HA HA, yep I really cried. It wants you to be scheduled every half hour of every day. Rotate your childs activities, schedule every half hour of their day etc. I felt discouraged that I wasn't doing enough as a homeschool mom and I just cried. (Thank goodness this is when Rob stepped in and helped me think logically about it all)

I also read a 5th book that also like More Hours in My Day uses the 3x5 card system, but I currently cannot remember the title of that book. I liked it and using the info I read from there and More Hours in My Day is where I came up with OLD FAITHFUL!

*Old Faithful : I use 3x5 cards to track my daily, weekly and monthly chores. When they need to be done etc.

One thing all organizing books, shows etc I have read have in common is they all have the Keep Toss, Give Away type of organizing for keeping up with or removing the clutter. They all say that just 15 minutes a day and in 5-6 weeks you will see an amazing difference, so here goes praying I can get those 15 minutes in.

Yeah this blog was just boring so if you read it.... wow!

The Uncluttering of me!

Where do I begin... I am not sure if I am a born organized type or a messy mommy! I have been both I guess. What gets me in trouble the most is my perfectionist side. I never know where to begin because I want to do it all, perfectly, at the same time. To stop mid project just frustrates me and I would rather just not do it at all.

Well I am now a mom to five and I have no choice, either drown in the chaos, or give in and do it in the time I have.

I have been reading several different books on organizing, housecleaning, scheduling, etc. realizing I need one place to write it all down and track my progress, my goals and just have a basic control journal as some books have wanted to call it. Well the folder I bought was too small and didn't have a place to keep my pens. So I went looking, because I know I have other folders in this house and I know I have a pencil pouch somewhere... probably even more then one. Well the lightening hit as I crawled up into my attic... wow box after box was stacked and I had no idea what was in them. Then I went into my craft/toy storage room, yep there again box after box of what? Toys, crafts, hobbies I no longer had time for. Then it hit me, I looked around my house and saw it, little boxes everywhere, in every room all filled with ??? Yep I was trying to hide my clutter in boxes. It sure looked neat, and yet I knew deep inside hid all my secrets. All my junk just waiting to spill out. Well in my garage it has spilled out..... So here we go the uncluttering begins.

15 minutes a day with 3 black bags, Give Away, Toss in the Trash, and Relocate.

My first blog... I have tried blogging before and never got very far. Now I am headed into a huge project and thought maybe if I had the accountability of a blog I would do better.... we shall see.