Seek First!

The sticky note on my phone isn't telling me I need to seek out my phone first.  I already do that naturally.  Some days I think it must be surgically attached to my hand I am on it so much.  I have to check the news apps, FB, Instagram, emails, my farm, texts, create some bible verse quotes, read my virtual stack of kindle books and then of course I check my daily bible reading plan and my youversion verse of the day.... 

 I found myself worried last night.  Worried I wasn't getting it all done. (Whatever it is??? I think it might be my never ending lists and lists of lists I make for myself. My husband said this is why he doesn't make lists!) Worried about the normal things, my kids, my health, my family, my friends, my church...  What if this happens?  What if that? I like to start at the worst case scenario in my head and then if I can solve that I will be ok....  But I can't solve it.  Never on my own... So then I am back to worry. Worry creeps into fear and then slowly begins to strangle my mind, until I am so flustered and I usually end up crying. In Matthew chapters 5,6 and 7. Jesus is giving an amazing sermon.  It speaks so perfectly to every area of life.  Today though, I want you to simply focus on 6:33.  He just told us in the previous verses don't be anxious about your life... About what you eat, drink, wear....  Don't be anxious about how you will be provided for, how those bills will be met, how the kids will get new clothes...  Well that's easy for Him to say right?  He is the Son of God! He has no worries!  Have you ever had those friends who tell you just don't eat that donut.  Just don't worry.  Just don't think about that fear.  Just don't do whatever it is that you are fighting not to do.  Yeah it's just that easy right??? No, not really.  I think it's hard to diet, to not fear, to not have anxiety, to not let my thoughts fester in my mind. I think it's hard to just not sin!  But the cool thing about Jesus is He doesn't just tell you hey don't do this.  He tells you how to not do it.  Seek first!  Seek God, His kingdom, His righteousness first and He will add all these things to your life.  You can't keep worrying when you are praying.  You can't keep stressing when you are reading your bible and asking God to speak to you.  You can't keep wondering what exactly it is you are to do and how to do it when He is telling you His plans and His direction in the bible.  You can't be stressed, frustrated, bummed out, discouraged, when you are looking into His wonderful face and worshipping him!  You can't be consumed with your own agenda when you have made Him Lord over your life and by Lord I mean master, creator, ordainer, the one in absolute control. 

 My kids have no lists.  No real stress. No real anxiety or fear about their lives.  They don't wake up thinking of all they have to do in each day.... Why?  Because I am in control.  I always make sure there is food for them. I provide them clothes, shoes, toiletries and other basic needs.  I remind them to brush their teeth.  I set the time they sit and do school.  I remind them to read and pray.  I teach them everything they need to know for that day. Some days they climb in the car not having any idea of where we are going, what we will do when we get there, and yet they never worry. The don't wonder if there is gas in the car, did mom remember my favorite snack and blankie?  Will mom keep me safe? Will mom know where she is going?  Every day my kids show the example to me of what it looks like to completely trust someone with their life. God tells us over and over in His Word, that He is Faithful, Trustworthy, He is love beyond what we can fathom....  And here in Matthew 6:33 he gives the simple answer to how we live without fear, without anxiety, without the worry of where our next meal will come from... Seek First!  That's it.... Simply Seek Him First. 

So the sticky note on my phone isn't telling me that all my answers lie in my phone... It's telling me before I plug back into the world, before I check out everything that happened all night long while I slept, before I see who liked my photos and thought my comments were funny.   Seek First!  Seek Him First!  

Take the Seek First challenge....  Unplug from the world. Find some time to be quiet.  Start with a simple prayer of asking God, through his Holy Spirit to teach you then.... Open your bible and read, start in one place and read.  Keep reading everyday until you have read through the whole bible.  Then pick it up and start over again.  I start in Matthew and read through the NT first.  I like to keep track and so I use a plan that I printed out from my church website www.mvcf.com 90day plan. I like to have a pen and notebook handy so I can write some of my questions and write some of His answers.  

The answer to your anxiety, fear, worry and stress really is that simple.... Are you up for the Seek First challenge? 

Today's journal... My heart laid bare!

"Today Christianity in the Western world is what its leaders were in the recent past and is becoming what its present leaders are. The local church soon becomes like its pastor." - A.W. Tozer

From a pastors wife and daughter point of view I am both hopeful, blessed and yet see areas that our pastors could grow and lead better... But this post isn't about what I think others should or could do.  This blog is about me and what is God saying to me... So after I read this I just started to write in my journal and I thought I should just re-write it here no edit...  Just my bare heart.

Oh mother are you bewildered by your children? They are only becoming what you taught them to be....do they frustrate you?  Listening to my children play, hearing them parent their toys, honestly some days it's a rude awakening of "Wow, do I really say that? Do I really sound like that?" Other days it's a proud pat myself on the back because no one else is there to see it.  

Do my children constantly stare at their phones and game systems because I constantly stare at mine? Do they pay attention in church because they see me listening and paying attention? How did my daughter learn to pack notebooks and bibles in her purse, is it because she sees me doing that?  I praise and worship God and sing with all my heart, raising my hands in praise, unashamed. Is that why my kids do too?  I find myself crying and reacting to things in obvious frustration, is that why my kids do that too? I don't listen to their fathers opinion even though I asked for it... Is that why they do that too? I talk over them... Is that why they talk over each other? I let little nothing things bother me? Is that why they do to? 

Wether I am a leader, pastor, wife, mom and friend.... Whatever my role or roles are I have to ask myself.... What example am I setting?  We all know words fade but our actions and reactions are what people remember.  We all look at what others do verses what they say.  Working behind the scenes at churches my whole life if the person sang the most amazing song, but because I was there setting up early and heard them yell at the sound man I could no longer hear the song.  If the guest speaker spoke the most profound things but earlier had snapped at me for being a slow assistant or wouldn't talk to me until they knew my father was the senior pastor... I heard nothing they said.  My kids desire genuineness and truth from me. The world desires genuine as and truth from the Christian.... I can cry and react, but when I say sorry do they see real change,  when I tell them I was rude to their father and apologize to them and him do they see me the next time no longer respond that way? Do they see me more days than not rise up and sit at the kitchen table and read my bible and show them my relationship with God is the most important to me? Do they see me helping strangers, being kind to the world labeled nobodies, or am I just concerned about my personal friends at church.  

Putting off the old and experiencing God's newness for me... That is what I want more than ever this year.  To really know God and have what I know transform me.  No more useless knowledge, learning lessons the hard way... I want knowledge that becomes true wisdom because it transforms me.  

I will mother better this year. I will love my husband more and give him more true respect in my actions and words than ever. I will love my church and God's people with more service and loving kindness than ever this year. I won't stress and worry over daily provision because I know God told me he would provide. I will pray instead of worry.  I will be prepared instead of just reacting to everything. How can I make such simple and strong resolutions? In and of myself I can't! However I have the promise Jesus gave me when he left this earth... That He was sending someone to help me.  To comfort me, to strengthen me, to teach me, to speak through me, to love through me.  The Holy Spirit! It is not me that can do these things, it is God in me.  Not me, but Him.  Not by might, not by power, but by God's spirit!!!