Therapeutic prayer journals...

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3 NKJV
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8 KJV

I want that.  I want perfect peace.  I want to think about things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, good report, things of virtue, praiseworthy things.  I want that to be my daily thoughts.  In all honesty, I try.  I memorize scripture.  I read my bible daily.  I listen to bible studies. I listen to and sing along with praise music.  I try... I really do.  Yet there are just some days where those negative thoughts fly in like a bird and make a nest in my head.  I can't stop thinking about problems, things I need to do, bills that aren't getting paid.  I worry about my children, I mull over choices and decisions I have made and regret.  I let everything come into my mind and I just think on it, I dwell on it, I wish I could change it, I am afraid of the outcome, I regret decisions and mistakes.... I just spiral down all too quickly.  My remedy....  Prayer.  It's always prayer.  I sit down with my journal.  (I have many) and I write all my negatives and then I just start praying and giving it all over to God.  I start thanking Him for what I do have, for how He has helped me, delivered me from other impossible situations.  I remember how He has comforted my heart from some of the most heartbreaking moments in my life.  I sometimes even cry some more over those moments and let Him comfort me some more.  It's really like the best therapy I could buy.  I wish I had saved my journals from the past... but usually I end up burning them... because well somethings are just left between me and God.  I think today is going to be one of those I fill a thousand pages days... (Not literally... but sometimes it feels close to it.)

The life of the overwhelmed...

Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy.  I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.  

Psalm 61:1-4

These are just some of my all time favorite verses that God sweetly brings to mind when I am feeling overwhelmed.  It happens a lot you know.  I get distracted by the messy garage, the over flowing laundry hampers, the sink full of dishes, the schoolwork that still needs to be graded, the artwork that needs to be created for women's ministry, the name tags I was to make 2 months ago, and how many emails do I have to answer today?  Oh wait we have park day, and errands to run, dogs that once again need to be bathed... speaking of bathing... did I wash Olivia or David's hair this week?  I hope we have more detangling spray to brush out those tangles.  I just remembered something spilled in the fridge and I said I would get to it later.  Thanksgiving is at my house this year, and I am planning and prepping for a ladies tea for 184 ladies.... Payday is this week, so I will once again get to look at bills that there isn't enough money to cover, praying for miracles to buy my kids something nice for christmas.  Oh yeah Christmas... We won't have family with us this Christmas that were with us last.  Yeah... My heart begins to ache.  My aching heart reminds me of my aching body and all the ways it seems to be failing lately and should I try one more new Dr.? Or just stick with what I know. I get by feeling crummy, maybe I just deal with that.  

See how easily I can become overwhelmed... My lists of things to do never ends.  My lists of hurting ladies and friends I want to reach out to never goes away. My bills may get paid, but new ones always come.  So I cry.  I do cry out, just like this verse says.  It feels like it's the end of my earth.  The end of my rope that I am crying to Him from...  I ask Him, lead me to the rock.  The rock of my life Jesus.  The one who brings everything back into perspecitve.  The one that causes me to see I was a sinner doomed to hell, and He died for me.  Now I am saved by grace through faith.  I have the hope that this life isn't all there is and I will get to go to heaven and rule and reign with him throughout eternity.  Wow my day just got a whole lot brighter.  He then reminds me that He has been a shelter for me.  He has been a strong tower when I faced enemies.  I now declare that I will abide in His tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of His wings.  

Thank you God, for all you do in my life, how You speak to me through Your Word and give me hope to hang onto.  I do have a life of being overwhelmed... but I don't have to stay in that mindset.  I can cry out and be placed back into the precious covering of His wings!

One of our past women's retreats... almost 10 years ago.  Yet the visual and picture has always stuck in my mind.  :-)

Retreat

I know how much work goes into putting on a retreat.  I have been a part of my church's women's ministry since it started over 18 years ago.  I know all the planning, work, prayer, sweat, tears, etc. that goes into it.  So for me to get to go to a retreat and have nothing to do but just sit there is a nice treat.
Last year I attended Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa's women's retreat and it was such a blessing, I had to go again.
This year it was just my mom and I and it was really nice.  The campus in Murrieta is gorgeous.  So peaceful.  Scripture up everywhere and you just know the entire staff and students are praying for everyone who comes on their campus.
We had a nice private 2 person room, which is a commodity there.  The food was good, and the peace and quiet was so nice.
Scott Cunningham's 2 daughters 13 and 16 years old led worship all weekend, and wow is all I have to say to that.  I am so impressed.  They sang mostly old hymns and that was a special treat too.  I love our worship at church, but sometimes to just hear the sweet old hymns is well....  They  just have such depth to their lyrics.  Not to say our more modern ones don't... Oh I don't know how to applaud one without insulting the other... Let's just say it was sweet!
The speaker was a lady named Pam Markey.  She is a missionary who teaches at a bible college in Hungary and has an amazing testimony.  She has 8 children and lost her husband 5 years ago unexpectedly.  She is a great bible teacher.  The theme was Jesus never fails, and it was a great reminder of all he has done in my life.  He truly never fails.

Being that it's not my church's retreat I hesitate to ask for prayer, or take up time with the Pastors wives as I don't want to keep them from ministering to their ladies.  And yet as the retreat was ending it was such a burden on my heart to be prayed over and encouraged as I am in a newer stage of ministry for me.  I had a few moments with Cheryl Broderson and she was so sweet, super encouraging and prayed over me. It was icing on my already yummy cake.

And now I have a new stack of books, to add to my already overflowing bookshelves....

Date nights!

I have been married 17 years and I think one of the best pieces of advice I have received was this... Even in the busyness of kids, always keep working on your friendship with your husband. The kids will grow and move out and have their own lives one day and you will be left with a husband who was once your best friend. You can discover some 20 years down the road that you no longer know each other or you can have grown closer and be the best of friends and more in love than ever. My parents are a perfect example of this. I watched them as I was growing up that they kept God as the center, then each other and then us kids. They would laugh together, go for drives to the beach, simple things to keep their friendship alive.
So I say all this to say that Rob and I had date night this week. We try to at least once a month or every 6 weeks. We were blessed with some charger tickets. Now sports isn't really my thing, but having my hand held, being kissed, eating a dinner without a 3 year old in my lap is. So we combined his things (sports) with mine and we had a wonderful date night. And icing on the cake... The chargers won!

New month, new beginnings...

I love a fresh start. You would think that with being a PK (pastors kid) for 30 years and a PW (pastors wife) for 15 I would have this daily prayer and bible time thing down. Yet I get busy and I get lazy and I start to miss days, shorten my prayer time and just generally start to slack on to me what are the most important things in my life.
So the start of a new week, a new month a new day or even if be a new hour is always precious to me. I love to make lists and everything I do, I dedicate it to God. So this isn't fresh start today! My new challenge to myself is to not miss a day for 40 days. Not so I can say oh wow look what I did, but because I really believe there is power in prayer, it's important to memorize God's word, it's important to read it every day and the rest of the stuff on my list... Well it's just good for me.
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22, 23 NKJV)

It's not always where I want to be...

Sunday night's is when my husband teaches at our church and my older kids help to lead worship.  I love being there, I sit in the front row, I pay attention, I pray for him and I take lots of notes, I always want to be there... Or at least I thought I did.

I had friends over this last Sunday after our church's morning services and right as we were leaving for Sunday evening service I noticed my cat wasn't doing well.  I have 2 cats they are a brother and sister that we adopted from the humaine society 7 years ago.  They are super sweet and friendly and the girl cat, "Freckles", is my favorite.  I got her a blanket and made her comfortable.  I was convinced by the way she was breathing that she was about to die.  I prayed for her that it would be easy and painless and then with tears in my eyes I had to leave.  Now I don't believe cats have souls and yet, I still love her and I don't want her to be in pain, suffer or die alone.  I had no money to take her to the vet, so even if I didn't have to be at church to sell tickets for our ladies tea and sit up front and support my husband, all I would have been able to do was just sit there with her.  Yet it was so hard to drive away.  The few moments that I was able to sit with her it just brought back all the sorrow and tears of watching both my husbands grandfather pass away this last April and being with my grandfather in hospice just before he passed in July.
I started thinking about all the times I went to church when I didn't want to, but because I love God's people and knew my needs and desires could wait, I would go.  I did get to sell tickets to our outreach, I was able to support and encourage my husband who was having a rough evening and came down defeated after teaching, I was able to share and visit with ladies and encourage them to keep walking with Jesus.... And when I got home my precious cat was still alive.  I layed down on the cold porch holding her head and cried.  Then my family needed me and even though I wanted to be selfish and sit and cry some more and mourn my grandfather, my grandma, all my other losses that losing this cat was bringing to mind... I didn't.  I got up and I went and helped put my kids to bed and get things ready for the start of another busy week.  It's not always where I want to be that as a pastors kid, pastors wife, mom to five that I am... but I am learning to always be where I am supposed to be and have contentment and peace in that.

My kitty died today... and it's sad. But that's ok.