It's not always where I want to be...

Sunday night's is when my husband teaches at our church and my older kids help to lead worship.  I love being there, I sit in the front row, I pay attention, I pray for him and I take lots of notes, I always want to be there... Or at least I thought I did.

I had friends over this last Sunday after our church's morning services and right as we were leaving for Sunday evening service I noticed my cat wasn't doing well.  I have 2 cats they are a brother and sister that we adopted from the humaine society 7 years ago.  They are super sweet and friendly and the girl cat, "Freckles", is my favorite.  I got her a blanket and made her comfortable.  I was convinced by the way she was breathing that she was about to die.  I prayed for her that it would be easy and painless and then with tears in my eyes I had to leave.  Now I don't believe cats have souls and yet, I still love her and I don't want her to be in pain, suffer or die alone.  I had no money to take her to the vet, so even if I didn't have to be at church to sell tickets for our ladies tea and sit up front and support my husband, all I would have been able to do was just sit there with her.  Yet it was so hard to drive away.  The few moments that I was able to sit with her it just brought back all the sorrow and tears of watching both my husbands grandfather pass away this last April and being with my grandfather in hospice just before he passed in July.
I started thinking about all the times I went to church when I didn't want to, but because I love God's people and knew my needs and desires could wait, I would go.  I did get to sell tickets to our outreach, I was able to support and encourage my husband who was having a rough evening and came down defeated after teaching, I was able to share and visit with ladies and encourage them to keep walking with Jesus.... And when I got home my precious cat was still alive.  I layed down on the cold porch holding her head and cried.  Then my family needed me and even though I wanted to be selfish and sit and cry some more and mourn my grandfather, my grandma, all my other losses that losing this cat was bringing to mind... I didn't.  I got up and I went and helped put my kids to bed and get things ready for the start of another busy week.  It's not always where I want to be that as a pastors kid, pastors wife, mom to five that I am... but I am learning to always be where I am supposed to be and have contentment and peace in that.

My kitty died today... and it's sad. But that's ok.