"Today Christianity in the Western world is what its leaders were in the recent past and is becoming what its present leaders are. The local church soon becomes like its pastor." - A.W. Tozer
From a pastors wife and daughter point of view I am both hopeful, blessed and yet see areas that our pastors could grow and lead better... But this post isn't about what I think others should or could do. This blog is about me and what is God saying to me... So after I read this I just started to write in my journal and I thought I should just re-write it here no edit... Just my bare heart.
Oh mother are you bewildered by your children? They are only becoming what you taught them to be....do they frustrate you? Listening to my children play, hearing them parent their toys, honestly some days it's a rude awakening of "Wow, do I really say that? Do I really sound like that?" Other days it's a proud pat myself on the back because no one else is there to see it.
Do my children constantly stare at their phones and game systems because I constantly stare at mine? Do they pay attention in church because they see me listening and paying attention? How did my daughter learn to pack notebooks and bibles in her purse, is it because she sees me doing that? I praise and worship God and sing with all my heart, raising my hands in praise, unashamed. Is that why my kids do too? I find myself crying and reacting to things in obvious frustration, is that why my kids do that too? I don't listen to their fathers opinion even though I asked for it... Is that why they do that too? I talk over them... Is that why they talk over each other? I let little nothing things bother me? Is that why they do to?
Wether I am a leader, pastor, wife, mom and friend.... Whatever my role or roles are I have to ask myself.... What example am I setting? We all know words fade but our actions and reactions are what people remember. We all look at what others do verses what they say. Working behind the scenes at churches my whole life if the person sang the most amazing song, but because I was there setting up early and heard them yell at the sound man I could no longer hear the song. If the guest speaker spoke the most profound things but earlier had snapped at me for being a slow assistant or wouldn't talk to me until they knew my father was the senior pastor... I heard nothing they said. My kids desire genuineness and truth from me. The world desires genuine as and truth from the Christian.... I can cry and react, but when I say sorry do they see real change, when I tell them I was rude to their father and apologize to them and him do they see me the next time no longer respond that way? Do they see me more days than not rise up and sit at the kitchen table and read my bible and show them my relationship with God is the most important to me? Do they see me helping strangers, being kind to the world labeled nobodies, or am I just concerned about my personal friends at church.
Putting off the old and experiencing God's newness for me... That is what I want more than ever this year. To really know God and have what I know transform me. No more useless knowledge, learning lessons the hard way... I want knowledge that becomes true wisdom because it transforms me.
I will mother better this year. I will love my husband more and give him more true respect in my actions and words than ever. I will love my church and God's people with more service and loving kindness than ever this year. I won't stress and worry over daily provision because I know God told me he would provide. I will pray instead of worry. I will be prepared instead of just reacting to everything. How can I make such simple and strong resolutions? In and of myself I can't! However I have the promise Jesus gave me when he left this earth... That He was sending someone to help me. To comfort me, to strengthen me, to teach me, to speak through me, to love through me. The Holy Spirit! It is not me that can do these things, it is God in me. Not me, but Him. Not by might, not by power, but by God's spirit!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment