Praising God!

I write, I am a writer, but I don't always have wonderful words, witty sayings, or that exact touching phrase.  Yet, I love to praise God. He is amazing, awesome, brilliance beyond my comprehension or imagination.  Every day I have my quiet devotional time.  I like to write out a lot of my prayers because if I don't, I tend to get distracted. When I was in youth group I learned the phrase ACTS for a way to pray to God.  A - Adoration. C - Confession. T - Thanksgiving. S - Supplication.  No matter how many ways to pray I have learned, this is the one that sticks with me.  So for Adoration I like to look through the Psalms and then write out a verse or 2, or like today, a whole Psalm that describes God's greatness.  Then I re-write it in my own words, clearly stating how I believe it or see it in Him. It is amazing to me how praising God strengthens me.  Praising God, brings me peace.  I don't know anyone else in my life that I praise, give credit to, or talk of their great things and it benefits me.  Yet with God it does.  Here is my example....

I started today overwhelmed.  A simple conversation I had about planning for the future, retirement money, and really what monetary value was there in being just a mom had my brain in a tailspin.  They were right... If my husband died tomorrow I would have nothing.  I remembered words of advice from a wedding guest 19 years ago ringing in my head...  Don't just be a wife and mom because if he leaves you, you will have nothing.  I started to confidently quote bible verses in my head about my God being greater, My God providing for me....  But it wasn't until I sat alone in my room this morning, reading the Psalms, looking for those verses I would start my prayer time out with, adoration.  

I wrote down all of Psalm 93, but it was this verse right in the middle that stood out to me. "But mightier than the violent raging of the seas, mightier than the breakers on the shore— the LORD above is mightier than these!" (Psalms 93:4 NLT)

I felt like my brain was in a storm, a fearful, worried mess.  But....  That little word.  No matter how stormy my world is, or could ever become, if I lost everything, if the worst of my fears happened, if, if, if.... The LORD, is mightier than any of that.  And there I sat, writing out my praises to God, and He strengthened me.  I was writing and praying to Him about how wonderful He is and it benefitted me. It gave me this incredible peace.  It removed my fear and anxiety. The stress in my shoulders was now relaxed because I was praising God.  God doesn't tell us in the Bible to praise Him because He is vain, He is glory hungry, or He needs some kind of pat on the back.  He tells us to Praise Him, because He knows it will benefit us. 

The LORD is king! He is robed in majesty. Indeed, the LORD is robed in majesty and armed with strength. The world stands firm and cannot be shaken. Your throne, O LORD, has stood from time immemorial. You yourself are from the everlasting past. The floods have risen up, O LORD. The floods have roared like thunder; the floods have lifted their pounding waves. But mightier than the violent raging of the seas, mightier than the breakers on the shore— the LORD above is mightier than these! Your royal laws cannot be changed. Your reign, O LORD, is holy forever and ever. (Psalms 93:1-5 NLT)

Seek First!

The sticky note on my phone isn't telling me I need to seek out my phone first.  I already do that naturally.  Some days I think it must be surgically attached to my hand I am on it so much.  I have to check the news apps, FB, Instagram, emails, my farm, texts, create some bible verse quotes, read my virtual stack of kindle books and then of course I check my daily bible reading plan and my youversion verse of the day.... 

 I found myself worried last night.  Worried I wasn't getting it all done. (Whatever it is??? I think it might be my never ending lists and lists of lists I make for myself. My husband said this is why he doesn't make lists!) Worried about the normal things, my kids, my health, my family, my friends, my church...  What if this happens?  What if that? I like to start at the worst case scenario in my head and then if I can solve that I will be ok....  But I can't solve it.  Never on my own... So then I am back to worry. Worry creeps into fear and then slowly begins to strangle my mind, until I am so flustered and I usually end up crying. In Matthew chapters 5,6 and 7. Jesus is giving an amazing sermon.  It speaks so perfectly to every area of life.  Today though, I want you to simply focus on 6:33.  He just told us in the previous verses don't be anxious about your life... About what you eat, drink, wear....  Don't be anxious about how you will be provided for, how those bills will be met, how the kids will get new clothes...  Well that's easy for Him to say right?  He is the Son of God! He has no worries!  Have you ever had those friends who tell you just don't eat that donut.  Just don't worry.  Just don't think about that fear.  Just don't do whatever it is that you are fighting not to do.  Yeah it's just that easy right??? No, not really.  I think it's hard to diet, to not fear, to not have anxiety, to not let my thoughts fester in my mind. I think it's hard to just not sin!  But the cool thing about Jesus is He doesn't just tell you hey don't do this.  He tells you how to not do it.  Seek first!  Seek God, His kingdom, His righteousness first and He will add all these things to your life.  You can't keep worrying when you are praying.  You can't keep stressing when you are reading your bible and asking God to speak to you.  You can't keep wondering what exactly it is you are to do and how to do it when He is telling you His plans and His direction in the bible.  You can't be stressed, frustrated, bummed out, discouraged, when you are looking into His wonderful face and worshipping him!  You can't be consumed with your own agenda when you have made Him Lord over your life and by Lord I mean master, creator, ordainer, the one in absolute control. 

 My kids have no lists.  No real stress. No real anxiety or fear about their lives.  They don't wake up thinking of all they have to do in each day.... Why?  Because I am in control.  I always make sure there is food for them. I provide them clothes, shoes, toiletries and other basic needs.  I remind them to brush their teeth.  I set the time they sit and do school.  I remind them to read and pray.  I teach them everything they need to know for that day. Some days they climb in the car not having any idea of where we are going, what we will do when we get there, and yet they never worry. The don't wonder if there is gas in the car, did mom remember my favorite snack and blankie?  Will mom keep me safe? Will mom know where she is going?  Every day my kids show the example to me of what it looks like to completely trust someone with their life. God tells us over and over in His Word, that He is Faithful, Trustworthy, He is love beyond what we can fathom....  And here in Matthew 6:33 he gives the simple answer to how we live without fear, without anxiety, without the worry of where our next meal will come from... Seek First!  That's it.... Simply Seek Him First. 

So the sticky note on my phone isn't telling me that all my answers lie in my phone... It's telling me before I plug back into the world, before I check out everything that happened all night long while I slept, before I see who liked my photos and thought my comments were funny.   Seek First!  Seek Him First!  

Take the Seek First challenge....  Unplug from the world. Find some time to be quiet.  Start with a simple prayer of asking God, through his Holy Spirit to teach you then.... Open your bible and read, start in one place and read.  Keep reading everyday until you have read through the whole bible.  Then pick it up and start over again.  I start in Matthew and read through the NT first.  I like to keep track and so I use a plan that I printed out from my church website www.mvcf.com 90day plan. I like to have a pen and notebook handy so I can write some of my questions and write some of His answers.  

The answer to your anxiety, fear, worry and stress really is that simple.... Are you up for the Seek First challenge? 

Today's journal... My heart laid bare!

"Today Christianity in the Western world is what its leaders were in the recent past and is becoming what its present leaders are. The local church soon becomes like its pastor." - A.W. Tozer

From a pastors wife and daughter point of view I am both hopeful, blessed and yet see areas that our pastors could grow and lead better... But this post isn't about what I think others should or could do.  This blog is about me and what is God saying to me... So after I read this I just started to write in my journal and I thought I should just re-write it here no edit...  Just my bare heart.

Oh mother are you bewildered by your children? They are only becoming what you taught them to be....do they frustrate you?  Listening to my children play, hearing them parent their toys, honestly some days it's a rude awakening of "Wow, do I really say that? Do I really sound like that?" Other days it's a proud pat myself on the back because no one else is there to see it.  

Do my children constantly stare at their phones and game systems because I constantly stare at mine? Do they pay attention in church because they see me listening and paying attention? How did my daughter learn to pack notebooks and bibles in her purse, is it because she sees me doing that?  I praise and worship God and sing with all my heart, raising my hands in praise, unashamed. Is that why my kids do too?  I find myself crying and reacting to things in obvious frustration, is that why my kids do that too? I don't listen to their fathers opinion even though I asked for it... Is that why they do that too? I talk over them... Is that why they talk over each other? I let little nothing things bother me? Is that why they do to? 

Wether I am a leader, pastor, wife, mom and friend.... Whatever my role or roles are I have to ask myself.... What example am I setting?  We all know words fade but our actions and reactions are what people remember.  We all look at what others do verses what they say.  Working behind the scenes at churches my whole life if the person sang the most amazing song, but because I was there setting up early and heard them yell at the sound man I could no longer hear the song.  If the guest speaker spoke the most profound things but earlier had snapped at me for being a slow assistant or wouldn't talk to me until they knew my father was the senior pastor... I heard nothing they said.  My kids desire genuineness and truth from me. The world desires genuine as and truth from the Christian.... I can cry and react, but when I say sorry do they see real change,  when I tell them I was rude to their father and apologize to them and him do they see me the next time no longer respond that way? Do they see me more days than not rise up and sit at the kitchen table and read my bible and show them my relationship with God is the most important to me? Do they see me helping strangers, being kind to the world labeled nobodies, or am I just concerned about my personal friends at church.  

Putting off the old and experiencing God's newness for me... That is what I want more than ever this year.  To really know God and have what I know transform me.  No more useless knowledge, learning lessons the hard way... I want knowledge that becomes true wisdom because it transforms me.  

I will mother better this year. I will love my husband more and give him more true respect in my actions and words than ever. I will love my church and God's people with more service and loving kindness than ever this year. I won't stress and worry over daily provision because I know God told me he would provide. I will pray instead of worry.  I will be prepared instead of just reacting to everything. How can I make such simple and strong resolutions? In and of myself I can't! However I have the promise Jesus gave me when he left this earth... That He was sending someone to help me.  To comfort me, to strengthen me, to teach me, to speak through me, to love through me.  The Holy Spirit! It is not me that can do these things, it is God in me.  Not me, but Him.  Not by might, not by power, but by God's spirit!!!

Holiday Season....

God has not given is a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Can you feel the seasons changing? The older I get, the faster they come.  It seems like it was just yesterday that I was readying the kids for the school year.  Gathering pencils and new school supplies after a fun and eventful summer that really is just a blur in my mind of so many activities. The sense of another Holiday season is here.  Large meals where I overstuff myself, buy too many presents and eat an enormous about of baked goods and candies.  Ugggghhhh don't get me wrong I love Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays and all the many celebrations throughout the year. I love having family and friends over to my house and going over to family and friends homes.  What I don't love is that I get caught up in the commercialism of the holidays.  What I don't love is that I am tempted and then often choose to sin. 

I am getting my own house ready for thanksgiving this week and already I sent my husband several frantic texts...  How can we do this? When will I have time for this? Who can watch the kids here? What if it rains? How will we afford this? We won't be able to afford that!!! And on and on.... We have 4 birthdays within these 2 major holidays and we still haven't given our daughter her present (dance lessons) from her birthday in July.  I feel the stress of I should have been saving and budgeting all year long and now here is Black Friday looming before me and I don't have any money to shop and we all know if I don't shop Black Friday I won't get the best deals, I won't be able to get as much for my kids as I want and on and on and on....  ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Yes that is me screaming!   

Somewhere in me I realize that there is so much more to life than this. Somewhere in me I realize I am in sin.  I think back to my childhood and all the lean years we had and how that isn't the things that I remember.  My own kids have had years where we literally bought them nothing for Christmas (yes they still got presents from grandmas and grandpas) but we as their parents weren't able to buy them a single thing.  There has also been years when we were able to buy them more than any kid should ever get.  I bet if I asked them they wouldn't be able to tell the difference in which years were which.  Perspective....  I need to get some quickly so I take a look around the room.  I am warm in my home, fuzzy socks on and sitting at my kitchen table. I have sweet dogs on my lap, kids playing in the background.  Last minute school reports due busily being typed up by my older kids. I have more clothes for my family than I can even keep up with in the wash and even though most of us have a little cold, really we are all pretty darn healthy.  My husband has a job that he loves and doesn't see as a job but as a ministry that he gets to do.  I get to stay home most every day with my children and I have done so for the last 17 years. He has always provided our daily NEEDS, even many of our wants.  Our pantry is full, so is our fridge and freezer.  We have family and friends in our lives and feel incredibly blessed by their love....  Why was I stressed? Why was I fearful? Why was I sending those obnoxious texts to my poor husband.  He has told me not to fear, He has told me to trust Him in all things. I somewhere stopped listening to His voice and started listening to my own and everyone else's. 

  Forgive me God.  I wasn't even being asked to walk on water and I was panicking.  I wasn't even being asked to deny my faith or die for you and I was fearful. I wasn't even being asked to go without just to wait for your timing, your provision....  Oh how impatient I am.  How fearful and stressed I easily become over things that I won't even remember tomorrow.  

Help me God! Help me choose faith over fear.  Help me remember what is really most important this Holiday season.  I want to thank you for everything and celebrate the birth of your son Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful for the time I sit at my table each day, read your word and pray.  I am so thankful that you know how frail I am and that you forgive me. I know it is because of your great compassion and unfailing love.  If anyone else out there is afraid, letting their fears control them or dictate their behavior, help them come to you, just like you helped me.  In Jesus name, amen. 

Then I read this in one of my favorite devotionals..... 

"If we medicate fear with angry outbursts, drinking binges, sullen withdrawals, self-starvation, or viselike control, we exclude God from the solution and exacerbate the problem. We subject ourselves to a position of fear, allowing anxiety to dominate and define our lives. Joy-sapping worries. Day-numbing dread. Repeated bouts of insecurity that petrify and paralyze us. Hysteria is not from God. 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear.'" (2 Timothy 1:7) - Max Lucado

Now off to call and apologize to my husband for attempting to drag him into my pit.  :-) 

Let all that I am, praise the LORD!

Here is a small glimpse into my prayer journal. I don't share this as a "wow I am so great, look how I pray". Not all my prayers are like this, many are full of tears, confessions of sin, ugly parts of my heart.... But today.... God has me singing His praises and I thought maybe it would encourage you to do the same.  He is worthy to be praised! 

I secretly want to be a farmer...

Ok I don't really want to be a farmer. I know enough of farm life to know it's long days, often dirty, smelly work, exhausting stresses and like motherhood, a rewarding but a seemingly never ending job. Yet as my life as a pastors wife, homeschooling mom, etc. etc. etc... seems to be harder and harder these days I do escape to my fake farm, Hay Day. It's a game on my iPhone and it is sucking up my extra time. I get alerts all day long as to when my eggs need to be gathered, new crops planted, stuff sells in my farmers market etc. It's fun, but I am noticing I do it to escape... I am not old, but I have been married almost 18 years and been through enough painful things in my life to realize I am in a season of hurt. If it's not me, or loved ones in my life, it's people I am ministering to in my life. Emergency phone calls, families in distress, it feels as if things are hard in everyone around me and in my life all at the same time. Sometimes in ministry I feel like I want to post one of those injury signs at workplaces stating it's been so many days without a trauma.... But so far it would keep being at 0.
Driving home from my families house today, everyone in the car was sleeping and I was cruising along singing praise songs. It seemed as if the perfect one right after another kept playing and playing. It was such a healing time for my heart. Much better than any farm game and then I heard that familiar still small voice.... Remember Janet when at the beginning of the year I said I wanted you to sing. Sing no matter what came.... This is why. When you praise me even in the storms, even in the pains and heartbreaks of life, it releases my power in your life and in your heart and it heals you. I sighed.... I sang some more... He says the sweetest things to me in that still small voice.
Then to further confirm He is speaking to me and it's not just my own thoughts he starts speaking scripture into my heart.... Just like when the rabbi's would give the first part of a scripture so the student would know where to go look for the rest, He says to me.... I look up to the mountians- does my help come from there? My help comes from The Lord, who made heaven and earth.
I know that exact phrase is a psalm but I can't remember which one.... When I get home I look it up and sure enough. God is speaking sweet comfort to my soul. So tonight.... I am not escaping to my farm... Which I still enjoy playing.... I am escaping to His word. A much better place, a much sweeter promise, a true lasting place of comfort where I no longer have to escape, because He remains with me no matter what I face, no longer needing to escape the valley, because He is walking with me through it.

I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever. (Psalms 121:1-8 NLT)

Walking on the water with Jesus

What would your life look like if you did not hold back? If you stepped out in faith, pushed through your deepest fears, conquered your demons, defeated your strongholds, forgave, forgot, and chose to truly live? What if the box you built for yourself suddenly had invisible walls and you were no longer held back by logistics, finances, relationships, insecurity, or doubt? What kind of a life would you be living now if the "reality" of your situation was not an excuse and you simply lived out your calling and your dreams without holding back?

I am a part of a small club of girls that are trying to keep each other accountable in our everydayness of life.  Reading our bibles, praying and working on things in our life, like more exercise, better food choices, etc., with the focus  to be, God first before everything else.  One of the girls asked the above questions and it inspired a blog writing out of me....

I love your question it really made me look back at my life and think about things... I came to this conclusion... I feel I made that choice a long time ago, to get out and walk on the water with Jesus and so my life would look exactly like it does right now.  I don't mean I have attained all spiritually, or that I won't ever try and climb back onto the boat, or that I have completely conquered it all and am doing everything you asked perfectly and at all moments in my life,  but that I am doing it... In the process, an ongoing thing in my life.... Let me explain.... 

I was saved at age 3.  Grew up being a pastors kid and always serving full time in every aspect of ministry you can think of.  Name it and I have most likely done it... I never really had a time of serious rebellion.  I certainly flirted with sin in my early teen years. Between the ages of 14-16 I really struggled with the call of Satan and the world, and wanting to sin and choosing to walk with God, despite what my friends did.  I ended up choosing God.  I quit the school I was in, started working full time, and did my 11th and 12th grade years of high school in one year so that I could graduate early and get away from the high school crowd of friends that at that time was where all my biggest temptations were....Mostly boys, I liked them, they liked me, and well... the verse about not awakening love before it's time has so much wisdom in it!!!!  Then I met my husband Rob and at the age of 18 I was married to him. Early in our marriage we decided that our marriage wasn't just for us and what we could get out of it, but so we could be a team that would love and serve God as best we could and help others that were put in our daily lives.  Before children, we would let people who needed a few months with no bills live with us, we would wether it was in our grocery budget or not have people over and feed them and encourage them.  When we lived in the ghetto we would make lunches for the young boys of the drunk across the street and have them over to play and feed them.  We would give them bibles and love on them and would minister to their mom as best we could.  After children and moving to a better neighborhood we still have had people live with us more often than we haven't, and I don't mean renting a room in our house so that we can have help with our own bills.  We have always let everyone live rent free,  I mother them a little, Rob fathers a little, doing those things for them they don't notice and won't notice until they have kids of their own someday.  We feed them and have even helped with extra bills they come up against even if we didn’t have the extra money to give. We served as full time volunteers  in our churches long before we were ever officially on staff for it, giving every extra hour after our day jobs to serve in any way we could. We have done missionary trips alone and together.  We have given extra money anonymously to help people we see need it, even when it meant we would go without. We have the heart of "if it needs to be done and we can do it or help we will."  We never asked to be in the leadership roles we are in now, it just is where we ended up after over 18 years of serving in whatever way we can at our church.  We have had many times of heartbreak, sickness, wondering what God was doing in our lives , times with money, times without.... My husband also volunteers as SDPD chaplain and although I don't do any other outside the church or home stuff right now, I know because I take on extra alone hours with the kids on top of the 40-50+ hours of work he does all week, he is able to do the volunteering and just like David said in the Old Testament...  The people who stay home and guard the stuff get to share in the reward just as much as those out fighting the battle.  We really are a team that serves together.  He has stayed home and "guarded the stuff" for me too.  We don't know how long we will be serving in the way we currently do, but just like every other moment of our life, we just sort of take it as it comes.  We have and will continue to do what God asks us to do daily. We don't wish and dream away the moments we are in.  Even when our only job was to wipe runny noses and clean the bathrooms, we were blessed and happy to do it and we still do those jobs, because we know every role in the church, in the community we live, in our home is vital.  

I don't share all this as wow, how amazing are we, not in any way do I mean that.... but really I give all glory to God, and credit to our parents.  They are both, his parents and mine, still married over 40+ years.  They both served and continue to serve their churches for many many years and both his parents and mine raised us to know God personally.  They raised us to not quit when things get hard and yucky. It isn’t all roses and glorious moments when you walk on the water with Jesus. My parents had us reading our bibles on our own daily, and together in family bible times since before I can remember.  My parents were always taking people in and feeding and loving on them.  They, both his parents and mine, would serve in any capacity that was needed. They would do missions trips, set up, clean up, childcare, janitorial, home fellowships anything....  They never despised the small every day things that God allowed them to do, and it often ended up God would lead them and bless them to bigger things too.  Yet they have always been the type that would still pick up a vacuum and clean if that is what the church or someone needed.  They would buy groceries for a random stranger in a store if that's what God showed them was needed, they would travel across the world to Africa to encourage other missionaries and share the gospel if that was what was needed. At our last ladies outreach that ended up being for 192 ladies my mom spent the Thursday prior gluing decorations  and cleaning and setting up tables. She never once said "someone else should do this....  Don't you know I used to be a popular guest speaker... Invited to do retreats and special functions for groups anywhere from 50-500." Nope she just quietly served and set up, so someone else could go up on stage the next day and share and be the speaker.  I think both my parents and Rob's parents have taken that plunge and stepped out on the water and walked with Jesus and they have passed that legacy onto their children. They have seen heartbreak, loss, sickness, richness and poorness.  They have hurt, been unfairly judged, and even been imperfect and made mistakes.  But they have always kept on...  Just doing their very best to love God and be obedient to walk by faith, and do whatever He shows them to.  I think I am doing the same thing... It's their legacy, I am a second generation Christian. It gives me hope for my friends who are brand new christians... that they can change their lives and the legacy that will be given to their children.  I am excited for my children to do the same things.....  So I think, to answer your question,  I am living outside the box, walking on the water with Jesus, always perfectly? No! Always fearless? no! Always in perfect obedience and faith? No! but I am doing it!!! Thanks for asking a great question.  I sometimes have doubts, fears, moments where like Peter I cry out to God and say Lord help, I am sinking.  I question if I am doing enough for God, should I be better, could I be better.....  It was really cool to take a look back and reflect on my walk of faith.  It's all God, he truly has done this work in my life and I pray and ask him to continue until my last breath here and my first breath in eternity.  I want to keep making that same choice everyday to step out of the boat and walk with Jesus on the water.  Living a life of faith.  And I am confident He will continue to do that with me....  

being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun  a good work in you will complete  it  until the day of Jesus Christ; (Philippians 1:6 NKJV)

So now blog readers... all 10 of you! ;-)  I ask you.  Have you stepped out in faith and started walking on the water with Jesus?  If you have, I bet your life is exciting, hard, blessed, scary, and many of the same things mine is.  If you haven’t... you can always start!  My pastor (and father) preached the same message to my church this last Sunday... “Live as if you really believe in Sunday!!! (Referring to resurrection Sunday)” - Leo Giovinetti

10 weeks down.... a lifetime to go.

About 10 weeks ago I got the results from a food allergy blood test I had done.  They found 19 foods that my body was reacting to.  So began the 12 week process of completely eliminating all of those foods.  It has been much harder than I thought possible as most of the foods are things that are in everything.  Some of them are easily labeled, and others are hidden with other scientific names and reading labels has become a real art form.  With that said let me tell you how I got here....

I have always had allergy problems, I take medication for my asthma every day of my life since I was 11, and I have known for a few years certain foods instantly make me sick, or break out in rashes.  For the last 5 years I have been extremely exhausted every day of my life.  I wake up tired and hurting every day.  I don't complain and I just sort of plug through.  Well with my busy life... being tired is a huge hinderance.  I have gone to a few different Dr.s and they have all come to similar results... My body doesn't process things the same as most people, I get tired easily.  I don't process certain things in my body which help you recover after workouts and so with added weight, no diet really working, continuing cysts and hormone problems, racing heart, exhaustion and unable to dive into a workout plan without it causing other health problems.... Well I was gaining weight and just adding to my stressed out body with extra weight.  So as a last result my Dr. suggested this test and to see if eliminating these foods would help so that my body wouldn't be so stressed out constantly fighting these allergens that it could heal itself of the other problems.

Now to explain where I was at spiritually while all this was going on.  I cried every day, asking God for healing.  I went forward for every time prayer for healing was offered.  I read about God asking people if they truly wanted to be healed, I read about God telling people go dunk in the river 7 times, I read about the instant supernatural healing....  About this time I got a free Ebook online about healing in prayer.  In the book the lady asked... what if God had a way for you to be healed but was asking you to do something specific... Would you do it, no matter what it was?  Moving? Changing your diet? Eliminating Toxic Friends?  Whatever He asked... would you do it?  I prayed and said yes I would.

About that same time I got my list of foods that I should no longer eat.... So I have done it.  It has been really hard.  Once you hit 12 weeks on the plan you are allowed to try the foods one food at a time for a week and track any symptoms... I never knew that fatigue, exhaustion, body aches, constipation, stomach aches, sinus headaches, heartburn, skin rashes, acne, and the list goes on..... could all be results of food allergies often showing up days after the offending food has been eaten.

The results.... So far I have lost 24 pounds.  I am not eating less or following any diet other than to not eat my list of 19.  I don't feel tired, I feel so good, like I haven't felt in a long time or ever... I have never  even since I was in High school not had a day where I felt like I needed a nap, just to get through my day (Not that I get a nap, just that I need one)  and other than this last few weeks when I have had the flu, I haven't taken a nap or felt like I needed one at all.  I did accidentally by misreading a label eat something that had 3 of the 19 things in it... within minutes I felt horrible and couldn't believe that was how I felt every day of my life and just functioned through it.

I feel so blessed, God is healing me.  I am being obedient to what He has shown me will heal me and I just pray the blessing continues on.  I hope to update you in another 10 weeks with even better news.....

Being creative in finding time for bible reading and prayer

But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. (Matthew 6:6 NLT)

I have 5 children and finding a spot where I can go away by myself is often a miracle. I attempt to wake before them for my daily quiet time, but sometimes that doesn't happen either. My kids have some strange mom sense. They always seem to know where I am at, when I am awake and they want to be right where I am. So how do I get my daily bible reading and prayer time in.... My little secret. A nice pair of headphones, my husband bought me these 2 years ago. They are mine and the kids know they better not touch them. We used gift cards and coupons and got a great deal, because they are expensive. My other secret is Pandora's instrumental Praise station. I put on the headphones, I turn on the instrumental praise station and I am now sitting in the same room while my kids do school, play, watch mickeys clubhouse or whatever and yet I am in my own private prayer closet. I can pray under my breath, I can read my bible and really hear from God. Even though it's more difficult to find the time to spend with God when we are busy, we don't give up doing it. Maybe you aren't home with 5 kids all day like I am... But a busy office space or busy courtyard at lunch, the headphones and tuning others out will still help you. If you are struggling to find the time or place to read God's word and pray, ask God to help you . He can show you how.

New Year... New Journal!

I love journals.  I go through at least half a dozen in a year.  I use them for notes at church, prayer meetings and bible studies.  I use them to keep track of my dreams. I use them to write prayers when I can't think straight to speak.  I use them for all kinds of things, and I always start a new one in January. Are you surprised?
This past December I was in a slump spiritually and feeling like God just wasn't speaking to me. I shared with my husband... who of course pointed out that I was wrong and God speaks to me all the time.  Mainly through His Word when I read my bible, but in all kinds of other ways too.  I started looking through texts and seeing the bible verses friends would share with me.  I looked through emails and the different devotionals I am subscribed to and how often the themes in them would be the same.  How my bible app verse of the day would often be the exact thing God showed me in my personal reading.  I realized the problem wasn't with God speaking to me... the problem was me remembering what God had said to me.
The bible tells us over and over to remember. Remember the sabbath, remember His name, Remember where you came from, Remember to keep the fire burning on the alter, Remember certain festivals, the list goes on and on.  In Psalm 105:5 it says... Remember the wonders he has performed, his miracles, and the rulings he has given,
So I began praying... what would be a good way for me to remember.  Sometimes with all the journals I go through it's hard to look back and read things He has said to me, because bible notes are mixed in with grocery lists and random doodles... So I have come up with one journal for the year to put it all in.

It's not really a journal, it's a calendar.  Each day as I have my bible time, I jot down the verses that stood out to me, just the reference.  If a friend sends me a verse, or I read one somewhere that stands out to me I write it down.  In the few weeks I did this before January and the start in my new calendar... I began to see patterns, and God confirming things He had said to me.  It was so cool to see how He really is faithful to speak to me... I just need to remember.  I am excited to at the end of next year look back in my calendar and see all the ways God spoke to me.  I also carry a small pocket size calendar that I got in the dollar spot at target to keep track of the verses shared at church or when talking with friends.  It doesn't take any time at all to jot down a quick reference.
The calendar I bought also lets me pop papers in and out, so I have added blank note pages to the "Journal" as well, because I have found God has much more to say to me than these small spaces can hold. :-)  Happy Journaling!

Resolutions, Fresh Starts, New Year ideals... Where to begin? Draw a circle, get in it and pray!

I love lists, I love plans, I love Mondays, new weeks, new months, fresh starts, but most of all I love a brand new year.  I get excited, I spend weeks in prayer prior to the 1st and I ask God, what do you want from me this year?  Then I make a list, keep it in my bible and ask God to do the new work in me for the year and He is always faithful, even when I am not. So what do I want this year... I want revival.  I want revival in my city, in my country, in my church, in my family and friends lives.  So I began praying and reading about prayer, revivals and other’s “success” stories.  I came across this quote and it has stuck with me....

Gypsy Smith a revivalist from the 1800’s was asked how to have a revival. “Go home, lock yourself in your room, draw a circle around yourself w/ chalk, and ask God to start a great revival w/in that circle! When God has answered your prayer the revival will be underway!” 

So my prayer for my home, my family, my friends, my city, my country, my world... begins with me.  This seems to be an ongoing theme in my life.  In the first year of my marriage I quickly became disillusioned with marriage and quickly saw all my husbands shortcomings... God brought me to a book about me being the first to change. I took my focus off of him and put it back on God and what He wanted to do in my life, and my marriage has never been sweeter. My husband continues to grow and be even more amazing every year and I hope he feels the same about me. I have had disputes, frustrations, arguments with people in my life, and God always brings me to His words in Matthew 7:1-5, Not to judge others, not to worry about the speck in their eye, and of course verse 5 standing out the most to me. “Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” So in my lists and plans for this new year, at the very top is revival... Revival in me!  As far as what’s on the rest of my list... well that’s a whole other blog. I am off to lock myself alone in my bathroom and draw a circle in chalk, get on my knees and pray.  

As you can see... I really did draw a circle in chalk on my floor in my bathroom, I really did get on my knees and pray, and I really am waiting expectantly for God to do a revival in me. Now to go mop my bathroom floor and clean up the chalk.

A husbands advice...

 I started a commitment to blog more and then like usual I became busier than ever.  That's my life though....
Our women's bible study came to an end in November and I began preparing for our Annual Women's Christmas Celebration.  This year we were having a "Tacky Tea".  Mismatched tables, crazy tacky Christmas sweaters.  Games, door prizes, testimony, worship and teaching.  We started off with 150 tickets for sale and as we kept selling out in just a few days we began adding tables until I was sure we would be putting a few tables on the stage just to fit everyone.
My church is a smaller sized church.  It seats about 260.  We have an overflow room that seats 50-60 more, but once you add tables, it really limits how many you can have.  We ended up with 192 ladies coming.  I was so excited and so worn out.  I really want every detail to be important and matter and so I put a lot of time and effort into it.

At one point during the prep for this, I cried to my husband... He is my best friend and he gets to hear my breakdowns the most.  Well I cried to him about how overwhelmed I was, how much I had to do and then being attacked in the midst of it just felt like added impossibilities... How could anyone stand up in this... He always has amazing advice... He reminded me of Nehemiah and how they had to both build the wall, and carry a sword in case of attack.  He reminded me it isn't always going to be like that and to just keep working and holding up my sword.  God's strength would get me through.

Well as if personal attack, heartaches, planning and preparing an event for 192 ladies wasn't enough to add to my homeschool mom and pastors wife life... My oldest son came down with chicken pox.  From where, we have no idea.  I almost laughed at just how ridiculous my life was at that moment....
Well the tea is over, I made it through the attack, my heartaches.... well they are in God's hands.  My other kids all have chicken pox now, to which I quickly decided.... WINTER BREAK!!!  I mean really 4 kids with chicken pox and still doing school.. NO WAY!  I declare a mental Holiday just for their teachers sake. ;-)  And yet my husband was so right... I sat back, let God be in control, started everyday rising early before my family, sitting with my bible and praying while reading... and yeah, God's strength sustained me through it all.  And now... now what am I doing?  Absolutely nothing.  The nice thing about chicken pox, is we can't go anywhere and we can't have anyone over... So I have had 2 days of lounging with my kids in our jammies, watching movies, and I even have gotten to read a book.  I am so thankful for my husband and his wise advice.... Want a quick marriage tip?  The reason my husband gives such great advice is that he reads his bible almost every day.  I pray for my husband and I have for 17 years now that he would be so in love with Jesus and in love with reading the bible... Well he is, he does... and it means he is one amazing father and one amazing husband.   Don't focus on if they are romantic, or what they are or aren't doing for you... Pray they fall in love with God, and it will change them more than your whining, complaining or anything else ever will.

The pics are me in my tacky tea outfit... that lights up.  And the room packed with ladies.  Such a sweet day!

Therapeutic prayer journals...

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3 NKJV
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8 KJV

I want that.  I want perfect peace.  I want to think about things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, good report, things of virtue, praiseworthy things.  I want that to be my daily thoughts.  In all honesty, I try.  I memorize scripture.  I read my bible daily.  I listen to bible studies. I listen to and sing along with praise music.  I try... I really do.  Yet there are just some days where those negative thoughts fly in like a bird and make a nest in my head.  I can't stop thinking about problems, things I need to do, bills that aren't getting paid.  I worry about my children, I mull over choices and decisions I have made and regret.  I let everything come into my mind and I just think on it, I dwell on it, I wish I could change it, I am afraid of the outcome, I regret decisions and mistakes.... I just spiral down all too quickly.  My remedy....  Prayer.  It's always prayer.  I sit down with my journal.  (I have many) and I write all my negatives and then I just start praying and giving it all over to God.  I start thanking Him for what I do have, for how He has helped me, delivered me from other impossible situations.  I remember how He has comforted my heart from some of the most heartbreaking moments in my life.  I sometimes even cry some more over those moments and let Him comfort me some more.  It's really like the best therapy I could buy.  I wish I had saved my journals from the past... but usually I end up burning them... because well somethings are just left between me and God.  I think today is going to be one of those I fill a thousand pages days... (Not literally... but sometimes it feels close to it.)

The life of the overwhelmed...

Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy.  I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.  

Psalm 61:1-4

These are just some of my all time favorite verses that God sweetly brings to mind when I am feeling overwhelmed.  It happens a lot you know.  I get distracted by the messy garage, the over flowing laundry hampers, the sink full of dishes, the schoolwork that still needs to be graded, the artwork that needs to be created for women's ministry, the name tags I was to make 2 months ago, and how many emails do I have to answer today?  Oh wait we have park day, and errands to run, dogs that once again need to be bathed... speaking of bathing... did I wash Olivia or David's hair this week?  I hope we have more detangling spray to brush out those tangles.  I just remembered something spilled in the fridge and I said I would get to it later.  Thanksgiving is at my house this year, and I am planning and prepping for a ladies tea for 184 ladies.... Payday is this week, so I will once again get to look at bills that there isn't enough money to cover, praying for miracles to buy my kids something nice for christmas.  Oh yeah Christmas... We won't have family with us this Christmas that were with us last.  Yeah... My heart begins to ache.  My aching heart reminds me of my aching body and all the ways it seems to be failing lately and should I try one more new Dr.? Or just stick with what I know. I get by feeling crummy, maybe I just deal with that.  

See how easily I can become overwhelmed... My lists of things to do never ends.  My lists of hurting ladies and friends I want to reach out to never goes away. My bills may get paid, but new ones always come.  So I cry.  I do cry out, just like this verse says.  It feels like it's the end of my earth.  The end of my rope that I am crying to Him from...  I ask Him, lead me to the rock.  The rock of my life Jesus.  The one who brings everything back into perspecitve.  The one that causes me to see I was a sinner doomed to hell, and He died for me.  Now I am saved by grace through faith.  I have the hope that this life isn't all there is and I will get to go to heaven and rule and reign with him throughout eternity.  Wow my day just got a whole lot brighter.  He then reminds me that He has been a shelter for me.  He has been a strong tower when I faced enemies.  I now declare that I will abide in His tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of His wings.  

Thank you God, for all you do in my life, how You speak to me through Your Word and give me hope to hang onto.  I do have a life of being overwhelmed... but I don't have to stay in that mindset.  I can cry out and be placed back into the precious covering of His wings!

One of our past women's retreats... almost 10 years ago.  Yet the visual and picture has always stuck in my mind.  :-)

Retreat

I know how much work goes into putting on a retreat.  I have been a part of my church's women's ministry since it started over 18 years ago.  I know all the planning, work, prayer, sweat, tears, etc. that goes into it.  So for me to get to go to a retreat and have nothing to do but just sit there is a nice treat.
Last year I attended Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa's women's retreat and it was such a blessing, I had to go again.
This year it was just my mom and I and it was really nice.  The campus in Murrieta is gorgeous.  So peaceful.  Scripture up everywhere and you just know the entire staff and students are praying for everyone who comes on their campus.
We had a nice private 2 person room, which is a commodity there.  The food was good, and the peace and quiet was so nice.
Scott Cunningham's 2 daughters 13 and 16 years old led worship all weekend, and wow is all I have to say to that.  I am so impressed.  They sang mostly old hymns and that was a special treat too.  I love our worship at church, but sometimes to just hear the sweet old hymns is well....  They  just have such depth to their lyrics.  Not to say our more modern ones don't... Oh I don't know how to applaud one without insulting the other... Let's just say it was sweet!
The speaker was a lady named Pam Markey.  She is a missionary who teaches at a bible college in Hungary and has an amazing testimony.  She has 8 children and lost her husband 5 years ago unexpectedly.  She is a great bible teacher.  The theme was Jesus never fails, and it was a great reminder of all he has done in my life.  He truly never fails.

Being that it's not my church's retreat I hesitate to ask for prayer, or take up time with the Pastors wives as I don't want to keep them from ministering to their ladies.  And yet as the retreat was ending it was such a burden on my heart to be prayed over and encouraged as I am in a newer stage of ministry for me.  I had a few moments with Cheryl Broderson and she was so sweet, super encouraging and prayed over me. It was icing on my already yummy cake.

And now I have a new stack of books, to add to my already overflowing bookshelves....

Date nights!

I have been married 17 years and I think one of the best pieces of advice I have received was this... Even in the busyness of kids, always keep working on your friendship with your husband. The kids will grow and move out and have their own lives one day and you will be left with a husband who was once your best friend. You can discover some 20 years down the road that you no longer know each other or you can have grown closer and be the best of friends and more in love than ever. My parents are a perfect example of this. I watched them as I was growing up that they kept God as the center, then each other and then us kids. They would laugh together, go for drives to the beach, simple things to keep their friendship alive.
So I say all this to say that Rob and I had date night this week. We try to at least once a month or every 6 weeks. We were blessed with some charger tickets. Now sports isn't really my thing, but having my hand held, being kissed, eating a dinner without a 3 year old in my lap is. So we combined his things (sports) with mine and we had a wonderful date night. And icing on the cake... The chargers won!

New month, new beginnings...

I love a fresh start. You would think that with being a PK (pastors kid) for 30 years and a PW (pastors wife) for 15 I would have this daily prayer and bible time thing down. Yet I get busy and I get lazy and I start to miss days, shorten my prayer time and just generally start to slack on to me what are the most important things in my life.
So the start of a new week, a new month a new day or even if be a new hour is always precious to me. I love to make lists and everything I do, I dedicate it to God. So this isn't fresh start today! My new challenge to myself is to not miss a day for 40 days. Not so I can say oh wow look what I did, but because I really believe there is power in prayer, it's important to memorize God's word, it's important to read it every day and the rest of the stuff on my list... Well it's just good for me.
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22, 23 NKJV)

It's not always where I want to be...

Sunday night's is when my husband teaches at our church and my older kids help to lead worship.  I love being there, I sit in the front row, I pay attention, I pray for him and I take lots of notes, I always want to be there... Or at least I thought I did.

I had friends over this last Sunday after our church's morning services and right as we were leaving for Sunday evening service I noticed my cat wasn't doing well.  I have 2 cats they are a brother and sister that we adopted from the humaine society 7 years ago.  They are super sweet and friendly and the girl cat, "Freckles", is my favorite.  I got her a blanket and made her comfortable.  I was convinced by the way she was breathing that she was about to die.  I prayed for her that it would be easy and painless and then with tears in my eyes I had to leave.  Now I don't believe cats have souls and yet, I still love her and I don't want her to be in pain, suffer or die alone.  I had no money to take her to the vet, so even if I didn't have to be at church to sell tickets for our ladies tea and sit up front and support my husband, all I would have been able to do was just sit there with her.  Yet it was so hard to drive away.  The few moments that I was able to sit with her it just brought back all the sorrow and tears of watching both my husbands grandfather pass away this last April and being with my grandfather in hospice just before he passed in July.
I started thinking about all the times I went to church when I didn't want to, but because I love God's people and knew my needs and desires could wait, I would go.  I did get to sell tickets to our outreach, I was able to support and encourage my husband who was having a rough evening and came down defeated after teaching, I was able to share and visit with ladies and encourage them to keep walking with Jesus.... And when I got home my precious cat was still alive.  I layed down on the cold porch holding her head and cried.  Then my family needed me and even though I wanted to be selfish and sit and cry some more and mourn my grandfather, my grandma, all my other losses that losing this cat was bringing to mind... I didn't.  I got up and I went and helped put my kids to bed and get things ready for the start of another busy week.  It's not always where I want to be that as a pastors kid, pastors wife, mom to five that I am... but I am learning to always be where I am supposed to be and have contentment and peace in that.

My kitty died today... and it's sad. But that's ok.

A new direction for my writing...

Most of my blogs in the past have been about my family, organizing, homeschool and such.  I will probably occasionally still make posts like that, but I feel like I need to take my blogging in a new direction.  I want to write more about being a pastor's wife and serving in ministry.  Describe what that life is like and just share more of a journal style of writing...  So here we go.

1 Samuel 26:8 "God has surely handed your enemy over to you this time!" Abishai whispered to David. "Let me pin him to the ground with one thrust of the spear; I won't need to strike twice!"

Being in leadership there have been times that people have come to myself or my husband and said "Oh you should be doing youth ministry" "You should be in the mission field" "You should move and serve over in this city."  "You could be leading your own church instead of just being an assistant."  They mean well, just like Abishai meant well for David.  However David used real wisdom when he said, in his response... "No!" David said. "Dont kill him. For who can remain innocent after attacking the LORD's anointed one?"
Sometimes I hear these opinions and I wonder, am I in the wrong place, should I be doing something else...
It's not that we wouldn't want to lead our own church, or go and be a missionary in a foreign country, or work in youth, family or any other area of ministry than where we are serving.  It's that we are being obedient to what God has told us, not a friend or family member.  Be careful who you listen to.  Always take everything back to God.  I journal my questions to him so I can keep track.  Then when I sit in our church services, read devotionals, read my bible, listen to bible studies, pray, I wait.  I wait for him to answer my questions.  He always does... In His perfect timing He gives me the answers I am seeking.
"The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." Psalm 37:23

It's not a feeling, it's an action.

Love is a choice.... In 10 minutes I will have been married for 17 years.  We haven't faced every imaginable storm of life together, but we have faced a lot of them, and worked through them all.  

I do still feel in love... I still feel butterflies and all those wonderful things you feel when you are in love.  I don't always feel them.  I don't feel them every day, and I certainly have had times where I thought I would never feel them again.... but despite my feelings, I still chose to love Rob every single day of our marriage, and I choose to love him every single day of my life.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. ♥


Not just any kind of love, but with God's love.  A love that He gives me, because I first spend time with God and keep that relationship right, and He helps me keep all the rest of my relationships in my life right.
God first, husband second, children third, and all the rest just sort of balances in there... If I get it out of order... it is like that unbalanced washing machine that thumps, stops working and leaves me with a bunch of soggy towels.  The only way to fix it when I get out of whack is stop thinking its my husband, or my children or anything else and realize it's me.  Get on my knees, get things right with God and I, by re-submitting my life and my will to Him, and He brings everything else back in order.
Simple recipe, hard to do, so worth it.