Holiday Season....

God has not given is a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Can you feel the seasons changing? The older I get, the faster they come.  It seems like it was just yesterday that I was readying the kids for the school year.  Gathering pencils and new school supplies after a fun and eventful summer that really is just a blur in my mind of so many activities. The sense of another Holiday season is here.  Large meals where I overstuff myself, buy too many presents and eat an enormous about of baked goods and candies.  Ugggghhhh don't get me wrong I love Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays and all the many celebrations throughout the year. I love having family and friends over to my house and going over to family and friends homes.  What I don't love is that I get caught up in the commercialism of the holidays.  What I don't love is that I am tempted and then often choose to sin. 

I am getting my own house ready for thanksgiving this week and already I sent my husband several frantic texts...  How can we do this? When will I have time for this? Who can watch the kids here? What if it rains? How will we afford this? We won't be able to afford that!!! And on and on.... We have 4 birthdays within these 2 major holidays and we still haven't given our daughter her present (dance lessons) from her birthday in July.  I feel the stress of I should have been saving and budgeting all year long and now here is Black Friday looming before me and I don't have any money to shop and we all know if I don't shop Black Friday I won't get the best deals, I won't be able to get as much for my kids as I want and on and on and on....  ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Yes that is me screaming!   

Somewhere in me I realize that there is so much more to life than this. Somewhere in me I realize I am in sin.  I think back to my childhood and all the lean years we had and how that isn't the things that I remember.  My own kids have had years where we literally bought them nothing for Christmas (yes they still got presents from grandmas and grandpas) but we as their parents weren't able to buy them a single thing.  There has also been years when we were able to buy them more than any kid should ever get.  I bet if I asked them they wouldn't be able to tell the difference in which years were which.  Perspective....  I need to get some quickly so I take a look around the room.  I am warm in my home, fuzzy socks on and sitting at my kitchen table. I have sweet dogs on my lap, kids playing in the background.  Last minute school reports due busily being typed up by my older kids. I have more clothes for my family than I can even keep up with in the wash and even though most of us have a little cold, really we are all pretty darn healthy.  My husband has a job that he loves and doesn't see as a job but as a ministry that he gets to do.  I get to stay home most every day with my children and I have done so for the last 17 years. He has always provided our daily NEEDS, even many of our wants.  Our pantry is full, so is our fridge and freezer.  We have family and friends in our lives and feel incredibly blessed by their love....  Why was I stressed? Why was I fearful? Why was I sending those obnoxious texts to my poor husband.  He has told me not to fear, He has told me to trust Him in all things. I somewhere stopped listening to His voice and started listening to my own and everyone else's. 

  Forgive me God.  I wasn't even being asked to walk on water and I was panicking.  I wasn't even being asked to deny my faith or die for you and I was fearful. I wasn't even being asked to go without just to wait for your timing, your provision....  Oh how impatient I am.  How fearful and stressed I easily become over things that I won't even remember tomorrow.  

Help me God! Help me choose faith over fear.  Help me remember what is really most important this Holiday season.  I want to thank you for everything and celebrate the birth of your son Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful for the time I sit at my table each day, read your word and pray.  I am so thankful that you know how frail I am and that you forgive me. I know it is because of your great compassion and unfailing love.  If anyone else out there is afraid, letting their fears control them or dictate their behavior, help them come to you, just like you helped me.  In Jesus name, amen. 

Then I read this in one of my favorite devotionals..... 

"If we medicate fear with angry outbursts, drinking binges, sullen withdrawals, self-starvation, or viselike control, we exclude God from the solution and exacerbate the problem. We subject ourselves to a position of fear, allowing anxiety to dominate and define our lives. Joy-sapping worries. Day-numbing dread. Repeated bouts of insecurity that petrify and paralyze us. Hysteria is not from God. 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear.'" (2 Timothy 1:7) - Max Lucado

Now off to call and apologize to my husband for attempting to drag him into my pit.  :-)