Praising God!

I write, I am a writer, but I don't always have wonderful words, witty sayings, or that exact touching phrase.  Yet, I love to praise God. He is amazing, awesome, brilliance beyond my comprehension or imagination.  Every day I have my quiet devotional time.  I like to write out a lot of my prayers because if I don't, I tend to get distracted. When I was in youth group I learned the phrase ACTS for a way to pray to God.  A - Adoration. C - Confession. T - Thanksgiving. S - Supplication.  No matter how many ways to pray I have learned, this is the one that sticks with me.  So for Adoration I like to look through the Psalms and then write out a verse or 2, or like today, a whole Psalm that describes God's greatness.  Then I re-write it in my own words, clearly stating how I believe it or see it in Him. It is amazing to me how praising God strengthens me.  Praising God, brings me peace.  I don't know anyone else in my life that I praise, give credit to, or talk of their great things and it benefits me.  Yet with God it does.  Here is my example....

I started today overwhelmed.  A simple conversation I had about planning for the future, retirement money, and really what monetary value was there in being just a mom had my brain in a tailspin.  They were right... If my husband died tomorrow I would have nothing.  I remembered words of advice from a wedding guest 19 years ago ringing in my head...  Don't just be a wife and mom because if he leaves you, you will have nothing.  I started to confidently quote bible verses in my head about my God being greater, My God providing for me....  But it wasn't until I sat alone in my room this morning, reading the Psalms, looking for those verses I would start my prayer time out with, adoration.  

I wrote down all of Psalm 93, but it was this verse right in the middle that stood out to me. "But mightier than the violent raging of the seas, mightier than the breakers on the shore— the LORD above is mightier than these!" (Psalms 93:4 NLT)

I felt like my brain was in a storm, a fearful, worried mess.  But....  That little word.  No matter how stormy my world is, or could ever become, if I lost everything, if the worst of my fears happened, if, if, if.... The LORD, is mightier than any of that.  And there I sat, writing out my praises to God, and He strengthened me.  I was writing and praying to Him about how wonderful He is and it benefitted me. It gave me this incredible peace.  It removed my fear and anxiety. The stress in my shoulders was now relaxed because I was praising God.  God doesn't tell us in the Bible to praise Him because He is vain, He is glory hungry, or He needs some kind of pat on the back.  He tells us to Praise Him, because He knows it will benefit us. 

The LORD is king! He is robed in majesty. Indeed, the LORD is robed in majesty and armed with strength. The world stands firm and cannot be shaken. Your throne, O LORD, has stood from time immemorial. You yourself are from the everlasting past. The floods have risen up, O LORD. The floods have roared like thunder; the floods have lifted their pounding waves. But mightier than the violent raging of the seas, mightier than the breakers on the shore— the LORD above is mightier than these! Your royal laws cannot be changed. Your reign, O LORD, is holy forever and ever. (Psalms 93:1-5 NLT)

Seek First!

The sticky note on my phone isn't telling me I need to seek out my phone first.  I already do that naturally.  Some days I think it must be surgically attached to my hand I am on it so much.  I have to check the news apps, FB, Instagram, emails, my farm, texts, create some bible verse quotes, read my virtual stack of kindle books and then of course I check my daily bible reading plan and my youversion verse of the day.... 

 I found myself worried last night.  Worried I wasn't getting it all done. (Whatever it is??? I think it might be my never ending lists and lists of lists I make for myself. My husband said this is why he doesn't make lists!) Worried about the normal things, my kids, my health, my family, my friends, my church...  What if this happens?  What if that? I like to start at the worst case scenario in my head and then if I can solve that I will be ok....  But I can't solve it.  Never on my own... So then I am back to worry. Worry creeps into fear and then slowly begins to strangle my mind, until I am so flustered and I usually end up crying. In Matthew chapters 5,6 and 7. Jesus is giving an amazing sermon.  It speaks so perfectly to every area of life.  Today though, I want you to simply focus on 6:33.  He just told us in the previous verses don't be anxious about your life... About what you eat, drink, wear....  Don't be anxious about how you will be provided for, how those bills will be met, how the kids will get new clothes...  Well that's easy for Him to say right?  He is the Son of God! He has no worries!  Have you ever had those friends who tell you just don't eat that donut.  Just don't worry.  Just don't think about that fear.  Just don't do whatever it is that you are fighting not to do.  Yeah it's just that easy right??? No, not really.  I think it's hard to diet, to not fear, to not have anxiety, to not let my thoughts fester in my mind. I think it's hard to just not sin!  But the cool thing about Jesus is He doesn't just tell you hey don't do this.  He tells you how to not do it.  Seek first!  Seek God, His kingdom, His righteousness first and He will add all these things to your life.  You can't keep worrying when you are praying.  You can't keep stressing when you are reading your bible and asking God to speak to you.  You can't keep wondering what exactly it is you are to do and how to do it when He is telling you His plans and His direction in the bible.  You can't be stressed, frustrated, bummed out, discouraged, when you are looking into His wonderful face and worshipping him!  You can't be consumed with your own agenda when you have made Him Lord over your life and by Lord I mean master, creator, ordainer, the one in absolute control. 

 My kids have no lists.  No real stress. No real anxiety or fear about their lives.  They don't wake up thinking of all they have to do in each day.... Why?  Because I am in control.  I always make sure there is food for them. I provide them clothes, shoes, toiletries and other basic needs.  I remind them to brush their teeth.  I set the time they sit and do school.  I remind them to read and pray.  I teach them everything they need to know for that day. Some days they climb in the car not having any idea of where we are going, what we will do when we get there, and yet they never worry. The don't wonder if there is gas in the car, did mom remember my favorite snack and blankie?  Will mom keep me safe? Will mom know where she is going?  Every day my kids show the example to me of what it looks like to completely trust someone with their life. God tells us over and over in His Word, that He is Faithful, Trustworthy, He is love beyond what we can fathom....  And here in Matthew 6:33 he gives the simple answer to how we live without fear, without anxiety, without the worry of where our next meal will come from... Seek First!  That's it.... Simply Seek Him First. 

So the sticky note on my phone isn't telling me that all my answers lie in my phone... It's telling me before I plug back into the world, before I check out everything that happened all night long while I slept, before I see who liked my photos and thought my comments were funny.   Seek First!  Seek Him First!  

Take the Seek First challenge....  Unplug from the world. Find some time to be quiet.  Start with a simple prayer of asking God, through his Holy Spirit to teach you then.... Open your bible and read, start in one place and read.  Keep reading everyday until you have read through the whole bible.  Then pick it up and start over again.  I start in Matthew and read through the NT first.  I like to keep track and so I use a plan that I printed out from my church website www.mvcf.com 90day plan. I like to have a pen and notebook handy so I can write some of my questions and write some of His answers.  

The answer to your anxiety, fear, worry and stress really is that simple.... Are you up for the Seek First challenge? 

Today's journal... My heart laid bare!

"Today Christianity in the Western world is what its leaders were in the recent past and is becoming what its present leaders are. The local church soon becomes like its pastor." - A.W. Tozer

From a pastors wife and daughter point of view I am both hopeful, blessed and yet see areas that our pastors could grow and lead better... But this post isn't about what I think others should or could do.  This blog is about me and what is God saying to me... So after I read this I just started to write in my journal and I thought I should just re-write it here no edit...  Just my bare heart.

Oh mother are you bewildered by your children? They are only becoming what you taught them to be....do they frustrate you?  Listening to my children play, hearing them parent their toys, honestly some days it's a rude awakening of "Wow, do I really say that? Do I really sound like that?" Other days it's a proud pat myself on the back because no one else is there to see it.  

Do my children constantly stare at their phones and game systems because I constantly stare at mine? Do they pay attention in church because they see me listening and paying attention? How did my daughter learn to pack notebooks and bibles in her purse, is it because she sees me doing that?  I praise and worship God and sing with all my heart, raising my hands in praise, unashamed. Is that why my kids do too?  I find myself crying and reacting to things in obvious frustration, is that why my kids do that too? I don't listen to their fathers opinion even though I asked for it... Is that why they do that too? I talk over them... Is that why they talk over each other? I let little nothing things bother me? Is that why they do to? 

Wether I am a leader, pastor, wife, mom and friend.... Whatever my role or roles are I have to ask myself.... What example am I setting?  We all know words fade but our actions and reactions are what people remember.  We all look at what others do verses what they say.  Working behind the scenes at churches my whole life if the person sang the most amazing song, but because I was there setting up early and heard them yell at the sound man I could no longer hear the song.  If the guest speaker spoke the most profound things but earlier had snapped at me for being a slow assistant or wouldn't talk to me until they knew my father was the senior pastor... I heard nothing they said.  My kids desire genuineness and truth from me. The world desires genuine as and truth from the Christian.... I can cry and react, but when I say sorry do they see real change,  when I tell them I was rude to their father and apologize to them and him do they see me the next time no longer respond that way? Do they see me more days than not rise up and sit at the kitchen table and read my bible and show them my relationship with God is the most important to me? Do they see me helping strangers, being kind to the world labeled nobodies, or am I just concerned about my personal friends at church.  

Putting off the old and experiencing God's newness for me... That is what I want more than ever this year.  To really know God and have what I know transform me.  No more useless knowledge, learning lessons the hard way... I want knowledge that becomes true wisdom because it transforms me.  

I will mother better this year. I will love my husband more and give him more true respect in my actions and words than ever. I will love my church and God's people with more service and loving kindness than ever this year. I won't stress and worry over daily provision because I know God told me he would provide. I will pray instead of worry.  I will be prepared instead of just reacting to everything. How can I make such simple and strong resolutions? In and of myself I can't! However I have the promise Jesus gave me when he left this earth... That He was sending someone to help me.  To comfort me, to strengthen me, to teach me, to speak through me, to love through me.  The Holy Spirit! It is not me that can do these things, it is God in me.  Not me, but Him.  Not by might, not by power, but by God's spirit!!!

Holiday Season....

God has not given is a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Can you feel the seasons changing? The older I get, the faster they come.  It seems like it was just yesterday that I was readying the kids for the school year.  Gathering pencils and new school supplies after a fun and eventful summer that really is just a blur in my mind of so many activities. The sense of another Holiday season is here.  Large meals where I overstuff myself, buy too many presents and eat an enormous about of baked goods and candies.  Ugggghhhh don't get me wrong I love Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays and all the many celebrations throughout the year. I love having family and friends over to my house and going over to family and friends homes.  What I don't love is that I get caught up in the commercialism of the holidays.  What I don't love is that I am tempted and then often choose to sin. 

I am getting my own house ready for thanksgiving this week and already I sent my husband several frantic texts...  How can we do this? When will I have time for this? Who can watch the kids here? What if it rains? How will we afford this? We won't be able to afford that!!! And on and on.... We have 4 birthdays within these 2 major holidays and we still haven't given our daughter her present (dance lessons) from her birthday in July.  I feel the stress of I should have been saving and budgeting all year long and now here is Black Friday looming before me and I don't have any money to shop and we all know if I don't shop Black Friday I won't get the best deals, I won't be able to get as much for my kids as I want and on and on and on....  ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Yes that is me screaming!   

Somewhere in me I realize that there is so much more to life than this. Somewhere in me I realize I am in sin.  I think back to my childhood and all the lean years we had and how that isn't the things that I remember.  My own kids have had years where we literally bought them nothing for Christmas (yes they still got presents from grandmas and grandpas) but we as their parents weren't able to buy them a single thing.  There has also been years when we were able to buy them more than any kid should ever get.  I bet if I asked them they wouldn't be able to tell the difference in which years were which.  Perspective....  I need to get some quickly so I take a look around the room.  I am warm in my home, fuzzy socks on and sitting at my kitchen table. I have sweet dogs on my lap, kids playing in the background.  Last minute school reports due busily being typed up by my older kids. I have more clothes for my family than I can even keep up with in the wash and even though most of us have a little cold, really we are all pretty darn healthy.  My husband has a job that he loves and doesn't see as a job but as a ministry that he gets to do.  I get to stay home most every day with my children and I have done so for the last 17 years. He has always provided our daily NEEDS, even many of our wants.  Our pantry is full, so is our fridge and freezer.  We have family and friends in our lives and feel incredibly blessed by their love....  Why was I stressed? Why was I fearful? Why was I sending those obnoxious texts to my poor husband.  He has told me not to fear, He has told me to trust Him in all things. I somewhere stopped listening to His voice and started listening to my own and everyone else's. 

  Forgive me God.  I wasn't even being asked to walk on water and I was panicking.  I wasn't even being asked to deny my faith or die for you and I was fearful. I wasn't even being asked to go without just to wait for your timing, your provision....  Oh how impatient I am.  How fearful and stressed I easily become over things that I won't even remember tomorrow.  

Help me God! Help me choose faith over fear.  Help me remember what is really most important this Holiday season.  I want to thank you for everything and celebrate the birth of your son Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful for the time I sit at my table each day, read your word and pray.  I am so thankful that you know how frail I am and that you forgive me. I know it is because of your great compassion and unfailing love.  If anyone else out there is afraid, letting their fears control them or dictate their behavior, help them come to you, just like you helped me.  In Jesus name, amen. 

Then I read this in one of my favorite devotionals..... 

"If we medicate fear with angry outbursts, drinking binges, sullen withdrawals, self-starvation, or viselike control, we exclude God from the solution and exacerbate the problem. We subject ourselves to a position of fear, allowing anxiety to dominate and define our lives. Joy-sapping worries. Day-numbing dread. Repeated bouts of insecurity that petrify and paralyze us. Hysteria is not from God. 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear.'" (2 Timothy 1:7) - Max Lucado

Now off to call and apologize to my husband for attempting to drag him into my pit.  :-) 

Let all that I am, praise the LORD!

Here is a small glimpse into my prayer journal. I don't share this as a "wow I am so great, look how I pray". Not all my prayers are like this, many are full of tears, confessions of sin, ugly parts of my heart.... But today.... God has me singing His praises and I thought maybe it would encourage you to do the same.  He is worthy to be praised! 

I secretly want to be a farmer...

Ok I don't really want to be a farmer. I know enough of farm life to know it's long days, often dirty, smelly work, exhausting stresses and like motherhood, a rewarding but a seemingly never ending job. Yet as my life as a pastors wife, homeschooling mom, etc. etc. etc... seems to be harder and harder these days I do escape to my fake farm, Hay Day. It's a game on my iPhone and it is sucking up my extra time. I get alerts all day long as to when my eggs need to be gathered, new crops planted, stuff sells in my farmers market etc. It's fun, but I am noticing I do it to escape... I am not old, but I have been married almost 18 years and been through enough painful things in my life to realize I am in a season of hurt. If it's not me, or loved ones in my life, it's people I am ministering to in my life. Emergency phone calls, families in distress, it feels as if things are hard in everyone around me and in my life all at the same time. Sometimes in ministry I feel like I want to post one of those injury signs at workplaces stating it's been so many days without a trauma.... But so far it would keep being at 0.
Driving home from my families house today, everyone in the car was sleeping and I was cruising along singing praise songs. It seemed as if the perfect one right after another kept playing and playing. It was such a healing time for my heart. Much better than any farm game and then I heard that familiar still small voice.... Remember Janet when at the beginning of the year I said I wanted you to sing. Sing no matter what came.... This is why. When you praise me even in the storms, even in the pains and heartbreaks of life, it releases my power in your life and in your heart and it heals you. I sighed.... I sang some more... He says the sweetest things to me in that still small voice.
Then to further confirm He is speaking to me and it's not just my own thoughts he starts speaking scripture into my heart.... Just like when the rabbi's would give the first part of a scripture so the student would know where to go look for the rest, He says to me.... I look up to the mountians- does my help come from there? My help comes from The Lord, who made heaven and earth.
I know that exact phrase is a psalm but I can't remember which one.... When I get home I look it up and sure enough. God is speaking sweet comfort to my soul. So tonight.... I am not escaping to my farm... Which I still enjoy playing.... I am escaping to His word. A much better place, a much sweeter promise, a true lasting place of comfort where I no longer have to escape, because He remains with me no matter what I face, no longer needing to escape the valley, because He is walking with me through it.

I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever. (Psalms 121:1-8 NLT)

Walking on the water with Jesus

What would your life look like if you did not hold back? If you stepped out in faith, pushed through your deepest fears, conquered your demons, defeated your strongholds, forgave, forgot, and chose to truly live? What if the box you built for yourself suddenly had invisible walls and you were no longer held back by logistics, finances, relationships, insecurity, or doubt? What kind of a life would you be living now if the "reality" of your situation was not an excuse and you simply lived out your calling and your dreams without holding back?

I am a part of a small club of girls that are trying to keep each other accountable in our everydayness of life.  Reading our bibles, praying and working on things in our life, like more exercise, better food choices, etc., with the focus  to be, God first before everything else.  One of the girls asked the above questions and it inspired a blog writing out of me....

I love your question it really made me look back at my life and think about things... I came to this conclusion... I feel I made that choice a long time ago, to get out and walk on the water with Jesus and so my life would look exactly like it does right now.  I don't mean I have attained all spiritually, or that I won't ever try and climb back onto the boat, or that I have completely conquered it all and am doing everything you asked perfectly and at all moments in my life,  but that I am doing it... In the process, an ongoing thing in my life.... Let me explain.... 

I was saved at age 3.  Grew up being a pastors kid and always serving full time in every aspect of ministry you can think of.  Name it and I have most likely done it... I never really had a time of serious rebellion.  I certainly flirted with sin in my early teen years. Between the ages of 14-16 I really struggled with the call of Satan and the world, and wanting to sin and choosing to walk with God, despite what my friends did.  I ended up choosing God.  I quit the school I was in, started working full time, and did my 11th and 12th grade years of high school in one year so that I could graduate early and get away from the high school crowd of friends that at that time was where all my biggest temptations were....Mostly boys, I liked them, they liked me, and well... the verse about not awakening love before it's time has so much wisdom in it!!!!  Then I met my husband Rob and at the age of 18 I was married to him. Early in our marriage we decided that our marriage wasn't just for us and what we could get out of it, but so we could be a team that would love and serve God as best we could and help others that were put in our daily lives.  Before children, we would let people who needed a few months with no bills live with us, we would wether it was in our grocery budget or not have people over and feed them and encourage them.  When we lived in the ghetto we would make lunches for the young boys of the drunk across the street and have them over to play and feed them.  We would give them bibles and love on them and would minister to their mom as best we could.  After children and moving to a better neighborhood we still have had people live with us more often than we haven't, and I don't mean renting a room in our house so that we can have help with our own bills.  We have always let everyone live rent free,  I mother them a little, Rob fathers a little, doing those things for them they don't notice and won't notice until they have kids of their own someday.  We feed them and have even helped with extra bills they come up against even if we didn’t have the extra money to give. We served as full time volunteers  in our churches long before we were ever officially on staff for it, giving every extra hour after our day jobs to serve in any way we could. We have done missionary trips alone and together.  We have given extra money anonymously to help people we see need it, even when it meant we would go without. We have the heart of "if it needs to be done and we can do it or help we will."  We never asked to be in the leadership roles we are in now, it just is where we ended up after over 18 years of serving in whatever way we can at our church.  We have had many times of heartbreak, sickness, wondering what God was doing in our lives , times with money, times without.... My husband also volunteers as SDPD chaplain and although I don't do any other outside the church or home stuff right now, I know because I take on extra alone hours with the kids on top of the 40-50+ hours of work he does all week, he is able to do the volunteering and just like David said in the Old Testament...  The people who stay home and guard the stuff get to share in the reward just as much as those out fighting the battle.  We really are a team that serves together.  He has stayed home and "guarded the stuff" for me too.  We don't know how long we will be serving in the way we currently do, but just like every other moment of our life, we just sort of take it as it comes.  We have and will continue to do what God asks us to do daily. We don't wish and dream away the moments we are in.  Even when our only job was to wipe runny noses and clean the bathrooms, we were blessed and happy to do it and we still do those jobs, because we know every role in the church, in the community we live, in our home is vital.  

I don't share all this as wow, how amazing are we, not in any way do I mean that.... but really I give all glory to God, and credit to our parents.  They are both, his parents and mine, still married over 40+ years.  They both served and continue to serve their churches for many many years and both his parents and mine raised us to know God personally.  They raised us to not quit when things get hard and yucky. It isn’t all roses and glorious moments when you walk on the water with Jesus. My parents had us reading our bibles on our own daily, and together in family bible times since before I can remember.  My parents were always taking people in and feeding and loving on them.  They, both his parents and mine, would serve in any capacity that was needed. They would do missions trips, set up, clean up, childcare, janitorial, home fellowships anything....  They never despised the small every day things that God allowed them to do, and it often ended up God would lead them and bless them to bigger things too.  Yet they have always been the type that would still pick up a vacuum and clean if that is what the church or someone needed.  They would buy groceries for a random stranger in a store if that's what God showed them was needed, they would travel across the world to Africa to encourage other missionaries and share the gospel if that was what was needed. At our last ladies outreach that ended up being for 192 ladies my mom spent the Thursday prior gluing decorations  and cleaning and setting up tables. She never once said "someone else should do this....  Don't you know I used to be a popular guest speaker... Invited to do retreats and special functions for groups anywhere from 50-500." Nope she just quietly served and set up, so someone else could go up on stage the next day and share and be the speaker.  I think both my parents and Rob's parents have taken that plunge and stepped out on the water and walked with Jesus and they have passed that legacy onto their children. They have seen heartbreak, loss, sickness, richness and poorness.  They have hurt, been unfairly judged, and even been imperfect and made mistakes.  But they have always kept on...  Just doing their very best to love God and be obedient to walk by faith, and do whatever He shows them to.  I think I am doing the same thing... It's their legacy, I am a second generation Christian. It gives me hope for my friends who are brand new christians... that they can change their lives and the legacy that will be given to their children.  I am excited for my children to do the same things.....  So I think, to answer your question,  I am living outside the box, walking on the water with Jesus, always perfectly? No! Always fearless? no! Always in perfect obedience and faith? No! but I am doing it!!! Thanks for asking a great question.  I sometimes have doubts, fears, moments where like Peter I cry out to God and say Lord help, I am sinking.  I question if I am doing enough for God, should I be better, could I be better.....  It was really cool to take a look back and reflect on my walk of faith.  It's all God, he truly has done this work in my life and I pray and ask him to continue until my last breath here and my first breath in eternity.  I want to keep making that same choice everyday to step out of the boat and walk with Jesus on the water.  Living a life of faith.  And I am confident He will continue to do that with me....  

being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun  a good work in you will complete  it  until the day of Jesus Christ; (Philippians 1:6 NKJV)

So now blog readers... all 10 of you! ;-)  I ask you.  Have you stepped out in faith and started walking on the water with Jesus?  If you have, I bet your life is exciting, hard, blessed, scary, and many of the same things mine is.  If you haven’t... you can always start!  My pastor (and father) preached the same message to my church this last Sunday... “Live as if you really believe in Sunday!!! (Referring to resurrection Sunday)” - Leo Giovinetti